September 2001

Limericks o' the Day


A randy young girl with no hair
Promised bliss if I shaved myself bare;
But my scrotum is wrinkly,
And awfully crinkly;
The hell I can shave myself there.
Contributed by
Jan M.


The girls in our village is buxom
And they lays on their backs while we fucks-em.
In between whiles,
We sits on the styles
And hangs down our pricks and they sucks-em.
Contributed by


To the young lambs that gave me no mutton...
Or even their blouses unbutton...
And to all of you virgins
Who turned down my urgin's
I just want to say...Thanks for nuttin'!
Contributed by
B. G.


A Rabbi who lived in Peru
Was vainly attempting to screw.
His wife said,"Oy Vay,
If you keep on this way,
The messiah will come before you"
Contributed by
Doug A.


We all know the word "Apendectomy",
As well as the term "Tonsilectomy".
But we find it quite strange
That in a sex change
Why it's not called, "Adadicktomy".
Contributed by
The Calabash Flash


A young steeplejack named Gauer,
Needed relief high atop of a tower.
A co-worker said, "Friend,"
Don't piss into the wind,
Or we'll receive an unwelcome shower."
Contributed by
Sam S.


A reckless cab driver named Kent
Owns a taxi that's just one big dent.
But when you are inside,
You enjoy the ride --
He's cut his rate twenty percent
Contributed by
Jan M.


A remarkable bird is the pelican;
His beak holds more than his belican.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week,
Though I'm darned if I see how the helican.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A retired Civil Servant from Gately,
Who lived in a home some called stately,
Kept lions, for fun,
In a wire net run,
But he hasn't been seen around lately.
Contributed by
Jan M.


The model ascended the ladder
As Titian, the painter, had bade her.
Her position, to Titian,
Suggested coition,
So he climbed up the ladder and had her.
Contributed by


Today, no limerick will be writ,
For evil has robbed the mind of wit.
When a thousand fold die,
In the blink of an eye,
There are no words that aptly fit.
Contributed by


Mistress Xena was giving a slave
A strict lesson in how to behave.
But while cracking her whip,
She felt a disc slip,
And suffered more pain than she gave.
Contributed by
Theresa V.


A saucy young lass is Martine
With habits that some call obscene.
She exposes her nose,
And all of her toes,
And most of the parts in between!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A scientist from Russia named Adam
Took a pot shot at splitting the atom.
He blew off his penis,
And now, just between us,
Is known in the Kremlin as Madam.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A short-organed fellow named Kevin,
Used a vacuum to stretch it to seven.
Then to eight and to nine,
And thought ten was divine,
There will be film at eleven...
Contributed by
Jan M.


A silly young man from Clyde
In a funeral procession was spied;
When asked, ”Who is dead?”
He giggled and said,
”I don't know; I just came for the ride.”
Contributed by
Jan M.


A software technician from Digital
Had hardware extremely prodigical.
It's rumoured, I hear,
That when he was near
The ladies got flustered and fidgital.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A spaceman and girl in free fall
Obeyed the progenitive call.
But Newton's Third Rule
Grabbed hold of his tool
And shot him across to the wall.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A story related to me
About Willie ”No Willy” McGee
Was that Tillie, his wife,
Chopped it up with a knife
And made Willy Con Carne for tea.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A twitchy young bitch named O'Brien
Sighed, ”Joe, you just keep right on tryin'.
I'll leave you my card,
And when it gets hard
Please wire or drop me a line.
Contributed by
Jan M.


She thought she saw love in his eyes.
Surely he'd tell her no lies.
But her hopes were in vain,
He did not love her brain,
But was really quite fond of her thighs.
Contributed by


A vegetable farmer named Hughes
Planned systems of sorting to use.
The results gave him pause
Till he figured the cause.
Now he's minding his peas in queues.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A gimpy old geezer named Joe,
Had a digit the size of his toe.
The one was a sprout,
The other had gout,
And neither could get up and go.
Contributed by
Shoeless Geo


A virginal coed named Sherrie
Awoke in the morning quite merry.
After cocktails last night,
To her utter delight,
She gave up her status as ”cherry”.
Contributed by
Jan M.


My parents began to have fits,
When my dragon developed the shits.
For wherever he farted,
A great fire started,
Blowing our house into bits.
Contributed by
Tracie W.


A well hung young man from Seattle
Had a thing about romancing cattle.
He saw a young cow
And thought her a "Wow!",
But so did the bull, hence the battle!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A cavalier young lad from Yuma,
Told an elephant joke to a puma.
Now his skeleton lies,
'Neath hot western skies,
'Cause the puma had no sense of huma'.
Contributed by
Shoeless Geo


A well-partied co-ed named Dawn
When asked what conclusion she'd drawn,
Said, ”I was having a ball...
But I just can't recall
Where all of my pubic hair's gone!!”
Contributed by
Jan M.


There was a young virgin named Lynn
Who thought getting fucked was a sin.
At least, that's the ruse
She attempted to use,
Only moments before giving in.
Contributed by
Theresa V.


A woman got very upset
When, kneeling, she tore her corset.
In the middle of Mass
The priest saw her ass,
And prayed he would never forget.
Contributed by
Jan M.

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