Limericks o' the Day
- A randy young girl with no hair
- Promised bliss if I shaved myself bare;
- But my scrotum is wrinkly,
- And awfully crinkly;
- The hell I can shave myself there.
- The girls in our village is buxom
- And they lays on their backs while we fucks-em.
- In between whiles,
- We sits on the styles
- And hangs down our pricks and they sucks-em.
- To the young lambs that gave me no mutton...
- Or even their blouses unbutton...
- And to all of you virgins
- Who turned down my urgin's
- I just want to say...Thanks for nuttin'!
- A Rabbi who lived in Peru
- Was vainly attempting to screw.
- His wife said,"Oy Vay,
- If you keep on this way,
- The messiah will come before you"
- We all know the word "Apendectomy",
- As well as the term "Tonsilectomy".
- But we find it quite strange
- That in a sex change
- Why it's not called, "Adadicktomy".
The Calabash Flash
- A young steeplejack named Gauer,
- Needed relief high atop of a tower.
- A co-worker said, "Friend,"
- Don't piss into the wind,
- Or we'll receive an unwelcome shower."
- A reckless cab driver named Kent
- Owns a taxi that's just one big dent.
- But when you are inside,
- You enjoy the ride --
- He's cut his rate twenty percent
- A remarkable bird is the pelican;
- His beak holds more than his belican.
- He can hold in his beak
- Enough food for a week,
- Though I'm darned if I see how the helican.
- A retired Civil Servant from Gately,
- Who lived in a home some called stately,
- Kept lions, for fun,
- In a wire net run,
- But he hasn't been seen around lately.
- The model ascended the ladder
- As Titian, the painter, had bade her.
- Her position, to Titian,
- Suggested coition,
- So he climbed up the ladder and had her.
- Today, no limerick will be writ,
- For evil has robbed the mind of wit.
- When a thousand fold die,
- In the blink of an eye,
- There are no words that aptly fit.
- Mistress Xena was giving a slave
- A strict lesson in how to behave.
- But while cracking her whip,
- She felt a disc slip,
- And suffered more pain than she gave.
- A saucy young lass is Martine
- With habits that some call obscene.
- She exposes her nose,
- And all of her toes,
- And most of the parts in between!
- A scientist from Russia named Adam
- Took a pot shot at splitting the atom.
- He blew off his penis,
- And now, just between us,
- Is known in the Kremlin as Madam.
- A short-organed fellow named Kevin,
- Used a vacuum to stretch it to seven.
- Then to eight and to nine,
- And thought ten was divine,
- There will be film at eleven...
- A silly young man from Clyde
- In a funeral procession was spied;
- When asked, ”Who is dead?”
- He giggled and said,
- ”I don't know; I just came for the ride.”
- A software technician from Digital
- Had hardware extremely prodigical.
- It's rumoured, I hear,
- That when he was near
- The ladies got flustered and fidgital.
- A spaceman and girl in free fall
- Obeyed the progenitive call.
- But Newton's Third Rule
- Grabbed hold of his tool
- And shot him across to the wall.
- A story related to me
- About Willie ”No Willy” McGee
- Was that Tillie, his wife,
- Chopped it up with a knife
- And made Willy Con Carne for tea.
- A twitchy young bitch named O'Brien
- Sighed, ”Joe, you just keep right on tryin'.
- I'll leave you my card,
- And when it gets hard
- Please wire or drop me a line.
- She thought she saw love in his eyes.
- Surely he'd tell her no lies.
- But her hopes were in vain,
- He did not love her brain,
- But was really quite fond of her thighs.
- A vegetable farmer named Hughes
- Planned systems of sorting to use.
- The results gave him pause
- Till he figured the cause.
- Now he's minding his peas in queues.
- A gimpy old geezer named Joe,
- Had a digit the size of his toe.
- The one was a sprout,
- The other had gout,
- And neither could get up and go.
- A virginal coed named Sherrie
- Awoke in the morning quite merry.
- After cocktails last night,
- To her utter delight,
- She gave up her status as ”cherry”.
- My parents began to have fits,
- When my dragon developed the shits.
- For wherever he farted,
- A great fire started,
- Blowing our house into bits.
- A well hung young man from Seattle
- Had a thing about romancing cattle.
- He saw a young cow
- And thought her a "Wow!",
- But so did the bull, hence the battle!
- A cavalier young lad from Yuma,
- Told an elephant joke to a puma.
- Now his skeleton lies,
- 'Neath hot western skies,
- 'Cause the puma had no sense of huma'.
- A well-partied co-ed named Dawn
- When asked what conclusion she'd drawn,
- Said, ”I was having a ball...
- But I just can't recall
- Where all of my pubic hair's gone!!”
- There was a young virgin named Lynn
- Who thought getting fucked was a sin.
- At least, that's the ruse
- She attempted to use,
- Only moments before giving in.
- A woman got very upset
- When, kneeling, she tore her corset.
- In the middle of Mass
- The priest saw her ass,
- And prayed he would never forget.