October 2001

Limericks o' the Day


There was a young fellow from Texas,
Who drove around in a Lexus.
He went on a bender,
And screwed up his fender...
Me thinks he lost all his reflexes!
Contributed by
Elvin H.


An unhygienic lady named Lou,
Found a fly and a flea in her flue.
"Let us die," said the flea.
Said the fly, "Let us dee.
Your damn crabs have infested us too!"
Contributed by
Shoeless Geo


There was a young fool name of Raines,
To get laid, he'd go to great pains
Never a genius,
He thought with his penis,
But his prick was as dumb as his brains.
Contributed by
John G.


Billy and Jim Bob and Bubba,
Are all fond of gals. Hubba! Hubba!
Their kinship is caring,
Their motto is: sharing,
And Tuesday's Jim's turn with the rubba.
Contributed by
Shoeless Geo


That young Presley fellow could sing.
Making rock 'n roll hits was his thing.
But girls all knew Elvis's
Gyrating pelvis is
What really made him the king!
Contributed by
Theresa V.


Once the fat man got to gigglin'
No one round to stop his jigglin'.
He broke a big sweat,
Lost his wind you can bet
He died on the spot while still wrigglin'
Contributed by


A woman he tried not to covet
Was horny and knew she would love it.
So taking a chance,
She wrote on her pants,
”Pull down here and you'll see where to shove it!”
Contributed by
Jan M.


A woman named Mrs. S. Claus
Deserves some attention because
She sits in her den,
Baking gingerbread men,
While her husband gets all the applause!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A young child with a cry brief and dismal
Fell into the waters baptismal;
Ere they'd gathered its plight,
It had sunk out of sight,
For the depth of the font was abysmal.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A young exhibitionist Kay,
Having tossed all her panties away,
Has invited us lads
(Via newspaper ads)
To a pubic performance today.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A young porno star name of Sue
Was a hit when it came to a screw.
Her climactic fame spread
With promotions that said,
”Coming Soon, to a Theatre Near You”.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A young schizophrenic named Strutter
When told of the death of his brother,
Said: ”Yes, it's too bad,
But I can't feel too sad;
After all, I still have each other.”
Contributed by
Jan M.


A young slut took two men back to her lair
And asked them if they'd like to share.
Said one man to the other,
”Hey, I am her brother....
I've only come here on a dare.”
Contributed by
Jan M.


A young trapeze artist named Bract
Is faced by a very sad fact.
Imagine his pain,
When again and again,
He catches his wife in the act.
Contributed by
Jan M.


According to old Sigmund Freud
Life is seldom so fully enjoyed,
As in human coition
In every position
With the usual organs employed.
Contributed by
Jan M.


Across from my house is young Mabel
And if her curtains stay open. I'm able
To watch her caressing
Herself while undressing
(As long as I stand on this table).
Contributed by
Jan M.


All over the bed we did roam
I swear from my mouth I did foam
I was just fit to pop
When we both had to stop..
As a voice said ”Hey honey, I'm home!!”
Contributed by
Jan M.


An Anglican curate in want
Of a second-hand portable font
Would exchange the same
For a portrait (in frame)
Of the Bishop-elect of Vermont.
Contributed by
Jan M.


An hour for coffee I waited
I sat there with breath that was bated
The waitress passed through
I asked for some brew
The bitch brought me decaffeinated....
Contributed by
Jan M.


An impish young fellow named James
Had a passion for idiot games.
He lighted the hair
Of his lady's affair
And laughed as she pissed through the flames.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a lady from Stockton
Who would rather not have shoes and sox on
In fact, if she could,
She'd romp in the wood
With naught but her beautiful locks on.
Contributed by
Dennis B.


A sexcrazy pair from Peru
In bed didn´t know what to do.
They started to test
What they would like best.
Now they're stuck to each other with glue!
Contributed by


An insatiable woman named Dee
Said,”There are never enough men for me!
So instead of just one
I'll finally have fun,
And triple my pleasure with three!”
Contributed by
Jan M.


An intelligent whore from Albania
Read books and grew steadily brainier.
Yet it wasn't her science
That brought her male clients,
But her quite uncontrolled nymphomania.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a lass from Surat,
The cheeks of whose ass were so fat,
That they had to be parted
Whenever she farted,
And also whenever she shat.
Contributed by
Ron L.


Juanita, the Mexican whore,
She weel fock you down on the floor,
Not ins the bed,
"Etts too soft", she said,
"I like ett real HARD, Si Senore!"
Contributed by
Doc F.


Horace insisted until she complied;
Fellatio and a nervous young bride.
It was as he was hopin',
Till she cracked it open,
And sucked out the marrow inside.
Contributed by
Shoeless Geo


A pretty fair maid once begat
Three male triplets named Matt, Pat and Tat.
Twas fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding
For she hadn't a spare tit for Tat.
Contributed by
Donnell K.


Sweet Adi thought it no sin,
To down 1/2 a bottle of gin,
She has no regrets,
But it has strange effects,
As she wiped globs of cum from her chin.
Contributed by


A circumsized dick is the best.
It sticks out from all of the rest.
When asked which is better,
The women get wetter,
With no turtleneck, just a vest.
Contributed by


A ride late at night is quite fun.
And also in the afternoon sun.
But to do it at noon
Is really really too soon
Cause the thing needs a rest, you baffoon!
Contributed by

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