Limericks o' the Day
- There was a young fellow from Texas,
- Who drove around in a Lexus.
- He went on a bender,
- And screwed up his fender...
- Me thinks he lost all his reflexes!
- An unhygienic lady named Lou,
- Found a fly and a flea in her flue.
- "Let us die," said the flea.
- Said the fly, "Let us dee.
- Your damn crabs have infested us too!"
- There was a young fool name of Raines,
- To get laid, he'd go to great pains
- Never a genius,
- He thought with his penis,
- But his prick was as dumb as his brains.
- Billy and Jim Bob and Bubba,
- Are all fond of gals. Hubba! Hubba!
- Their kinship is caring,
- Their motto is: sharing,
- And Tuesday's Jim's turn with the rubba.
- That young Presley fellow could sing.
- Making rock 'n roll hits was his thing.
- But girls all knew Elvis's
- Gyrating pelvis is
- What really made him the king!
- Once the fat man got to gigglin'
- No one round to stop his jigglin'.
- He broke a big sweat,
- Lost his wind you can bet
- He died on the spot while still wrigglin'
- A woman he tried not to covet
- Was horny and knew she would love it.
- So taking a chance,
- She wrote on her pants,
- ”Pull down here and you'll see where to shove it!”
- A woman named Mrs. S. Claus
- Deserves some attention because
- She sits in her den,
- Baking gingerbread men,
- While her husband gets all the applause!
- A young child with a cry brief and dismal
- Fell into the waters baptismal;
- Ere they'd gathered its plight,
- It had sunk out of sight,
- For the depth of the font was abysmal.
- A young exhibitionist Kay,
- Having tossed all her panties away,
- Has invited us lads
- (Via newspaper ads)
- To a pubic performance today.
- A young porno star name of Sue
- Was a hit when it came to a screw.
- Her climactic fame spread
- With promotions that said,
- ”Coming Soon, to a Theatre Near You”.
- A young schizophrenic named Strutter
- When told of the death of his brother,
- Said: ”Yes, it's too bad,
- But I can't feel too sad;
- After all, I still have each other.”
- A young slut took two men back to her lair
- And asked them if they'd like to share.
- Said one man to the other,
- ”Hey, I am her brother....
- I've only come here on a dare.”
- A young trapeze artist named Bract
- Is faced by a very sad fact.
- Imagine his pain,
- When again and again,
- He catches his wife in the act.
- According to old Sigmund Freud
- Life is seldom so fully enjoyed,
- As in human coition
- In every position
- With the usual organs employed.
- Across from my house is young Mabel
- And if her curtains stay open. I'm able
- To watch her caressing
- Herself while undressing
- (As long as I stand on this table).
- All over the bed we did roam
- I swear from my mouth I did foam
- I was just fit to pop
- When we both had to stop..
- As a voice said ”Hey honey, I'm home!!”
- An Anglican curate in want
- Of a second-hand portable font
- Would exchange the same
- For a portrait (in frame)
- Of the Bishop-elect of Vermont.
- An hour for coffee I waited
- I sat there with breath that was bated
- The waitress passed through
- I asked for some brew
- The bitch brought me decaffeinated....
- An impish young fellow named James
- Had a passion for idiot games.
- He lighted the hair
- Of his lady's affair
- And laughed as she pissed through the flames.
- There once was a lady from Stockton
- Who would rather not have shoes and sox on
- In fact, if she could,
- She'd romp in the wood
- With naught but her beautiful locks on.
- A sexcrazy pair from Peru
- In bed didn´t know what to do.
- They started to test
- What they would like best.
- Now they're stuck to each other with glue!
- An insatiable woman named Dee
- Said,”There are never enough men for me!
- So instead of just one
- I'll finally have fun,
- And triple my pleasure with three!”
- An intelligent whore from Albania
- Read books and grew steadily brainier.
- Yet it wasn't her science
- That brought her male clients,
- But her quite uncontrolled nymphomania.
- There once was a lass from Surat,
- The cheeks of whose ass were so fat,
- That they had to be parted
- Whenever she farted,
- And also whenever she shat.
- Juanita, the Mexican whore,
- She weel fock you down on the floor,
- Not ins the bed,
- "Etts too soft", she said,
- "I like ett real HARD, Si Senore!"
- Horace insisted until she complied;
- Fellatio and a nervous young bride.
- It was as he was hopin',
- Till she cracked it open,
- And sucked out the marrow inside.
- A pretty fair maid once begat
- Three male triplets named Matt, Pat and Tat.
- Twas fun in the breeding,
- But hell in the feeding
- For she hadn't a spare tit for Tat.
- Sweet Adi thought it no sin,
- To down 1/2 a bottle of gin,
- She has no regrets,
- But it has strange effects,
- As she wiped globs of cum from her chin.
- A circumsized dick is the best.
- It sticks out from all of the rest.
- When asked which is better,
- The women get wetter,
- With no turtleneck, just a vest.
- A ride late at night is quite fun.
- And also in the afternoon sun.
- But to do it at noon
- Is really really too soon
- Cause the thing needs a rest, you baffoon!