November 2001

Limericks o' the Day


Easter Sunday a young boy, Stan Snead,
Popped a stiff one as long as a reed.
And did he turn beet red,
When Pastor Fred loudly said,
"He is risen. He is risen indeed!"
Contributed by
Drew H.


I hope you won't think that I'm crass
When I speak of his wonderful ass.
I know we are able
To have sex at the table
But the damned thing is made out of glass
Contributed by


There was a young girl dressed in black,
Who kept her drugs in a spice rack.
It wasn't her fault,
Her mom thought it salt,
Now her family is all hooked on crack.
Contributed by
Sheena F.


You know that I like you a lot.
But I think you wish I did not.
So, I'll curb the emotion,
And end the devotion.
My life has such a bad plot!
Contributed by


There once was a student from Yale,
Whose skin was so exceedingly pale.
The glare from a book
Was all that it took
For smoke to come out of his tail.
Contributed by
Shoeless Geo


There once was a woman named Nor,
Whose chest was as flat as the floor.
It is sad to be said
That in dark, in the bed,
Men sucked on her shoulder blades more.
Contributed by
Debra H.


Johnny's new warehouse job was a bore.
Packing boxes all day was a chore.
For that job he had yearned
But it's one he'd have spurned
If the "ware" hadn't sounded like "whore".
Contributed by
Theresa V.


There once was a fellow called Eames,
Who would suffer from spaz fits it seems.
In the midst of a fit
His britches he'd shit;
But sometimes to alter, he creams.
Contributed by
Beth M.


Woe, alack, and alas!
I'm held together by intestinal gas!
Each time I fart,
Something falls apart.
See! There's a crack in my ass!
Contributed by


An old maid phoned the desk and said, "Joe
"What's the noise from that room down below?"
"Oh, they're holding," he sighed,
"An Elk's Ball just inside."
"Well then, tell them," she said, "to let go!"
Contributed by
Jan M.


An old maiden who barely did kissing
Soon discovered what she had been missing.
When laid down on the sod,
She cried out, "Oh, my God!
"All these years I just used it for pissing!"
Contributed by
Jan M.


An old window washer named Luigi
Was screwing a lady from Figi.
When she started to sweat,
He said, "Hold it, my pet,"
And squished off the sweat with his squeegee.
Contributed by
Jan M.


An orgasm can be, oh, so fine.
A multiple one quite divine.
But if you should moan,
And it's not on your own,
Then you faked it, you bullshitting swine.
Contributed by
Jan M.


An overworked hooker once said,
"I must change the sheets on my bed.
I've developed a rash
On the lips of my gash
And the inside's all puffy and red."
Contributed by
Jan M.


An unfortunate lad from Madrid
Had both Super-Ego and Id,
So whether he screwed,
Or completely eschewed,
He felt guilty, whatever he did.
Contributed by
Jan M.


An uptight young lady named Breerley
Who valued her morals too dearly
Had sex, so I hear,
Only once every year,
And she strained her vagina severely.
Contributed by
Jan M.


As a kid when we rode on the bus
Deep questions we'd often discuss:
"Would it come off divine,
Or just blow out her spine,
If Superman did it with Lois?"
Contributed by


As the strings played a soft obbligato
The soprano's shrill notes were staccato
As she crouched on the face
Of the powerful bass
And enjoyed his tremendous vibrato.
Contributed by
Jan M.


At the Y they are both avid diners
And professed crazy wild 69'ers.
As she sucks on his dingus,
He'll perform cunnilingus,
And for days she must wear panty liners.
Contributed by
Jan M.

Part 1 of 2:

Attempting to stop his wet dreams
Brother Francis has tried many schemes.
Using bells and a whistle
Attached to his gristle,
But still finds he frequently creams.
Contributed by
Jan M.

Part 2 of 2:

So grimly the Abbot said, "Look.
Onanism's a sin in my book,
Inadvertent or not.
Tie your dick in a knot
Or start sleeping with Annie the cook."
Contributed by
Jan M.


An amoeba named Sam, and his brother,
Were having a drink with each other.
In the midst of their quaffing,
They split themselves laughing
And each of them now is a mother.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A school boy who thought he could fake 'um,
Told the doctor he felt a sharp ache come;
The X-ray applied
Showed all his inside
Was looking as well as they make 'um.
Contributed by

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