5/1/01:

Tiberius sat in his patio

And said, "I don't care for fellatio,

Nor yet cunnilingus

Or whatever the thing is---

This headwork is mighty damn rash o' you!"

1943

5/2/01:

There was a young lady of Pinner,

Who dreamt that her lover was in her.

This excited her heart,

So she let a great fart,

And shit out her yesterday's dinner.

1870

5/3/01:

There was a young man named Walljasper

Who invented a furlined ballclasper.

A half turn to the right

Would bring squeals of delight

To the most sterile, inpotent whoremaster.

1947

5/4/01:

There was a young monk of Siberia

Who of frigging grew weary and wearier.

At last, with a yell,

He burst from his cell,

And buggered the Father Superior.

1879

5/5/01:

When a lecherous curate at Leeds

Was discovered, one day, in the weeds

Astride a young nun,

He said, "Christ, this is fun!

Far better than telling one's beads!"

1946

5/6/01:

There was a horny goat lived on a hill,

So full of mischief, he let some spill.

He fast knocked Jack down

And broke the lad's crown,

But was a trite more attentive to Jill.

Contributed by
Geo A.

5/7/01:

Said an airy young fairy named Jess,

"The oral requires some finesse,

While in method, the anal

Is terribly banal,

And the trousers will get out of press."

1943

5/8/01:

She's called "The Professional Sinner"

Twenty bucks and she lets you get in her.

If given a fifty,

Things really get nifty.

Ten more and she'll take you to dinner.

Contributed by
Jimmy M.

5/9/01:

There was a young lady of Thyme

Who swore she'd hold out for all time.

So she stifled the crave

For a cock in her cave,

And instead a candle was fine.

1946

5/10/01:

Aren't you a trifle atavistic, Mac,

With that little supernumerary nipple on your sac?

When I go down to eat

My purpose I defeat

When my lips slip from meat to teat and back.

1942

5/11/01:

There once was a lady named Carter,

Fell in love with a virile young Tartar.

She stripped off his pants,

At his prick quickly glanced,

And cried: "For that, I'll be a martyr!"

1946

5/12/01:

In bed Dr. Oscar McPugh

Spoke of Spengler---and ate crackers too.

His wife said, "Oh, stuff

That philosophy guff

Up your ass, dear, and throw me a screw!"

1941

5/13/01:

A girl with huge nostrils named Rose,

Enjoys getting fucked up the nose.

Though she always comes fast,

You can make her thrill last

If you tickle her twat with your toes.

Contributed by
Theresa V.

5/14/01:

Said the sailors mounting her gunwale,

"This ain't no cunt, it's a manhole!"

But soon her life was complete,

For she tripped in the street,

And a motorist detoured through the tunnel.

Contributed by
Geo A.

5/15/01:

The tarts in the town of Marseilles

Are brunette from the sun every day.

White wine is their piddle,

For ten francs they'll diddle---

But their tickets of health, where are they?

1942

5/16/01:

There once was a girl from Decator...

Got laid by a big alligator.

But, we never knew

The result of that screw,

'Cause after he laid her, he ate her.

Contributed by
Lord William

5/17/01:

There was an odd fellow named Lars,

Who'd pick up young ladies in bars.

He'd scarce get to know them,

Then hoist up and throw them,

And that's how he'd grant them the stars.

Contributed by
Geo A.

5/18/01:

A girl by the green Susquehanna

Said she would do it mañana,

But her lover got sore

And sailed off the Ladore...

And now she must use a banana.

1942

5/19/01:

There was a young lady named Florence

Sho for fucking professed an abhorrence.

But they found her in bed,

With her cunt flaming red,

And her poodle-dog spending in torrents.

1941

5/20/01:

There was a young whore from Tashkent

Wo managed an immoral tent.

Day out and day in

She lay writhing in sin,

Giving thanks it was ten months to Lent.

1946

5/21/01:

There was a young man of Porcellian,

A rotter, a shit-heel, a hellion.

But the X-ray revealed

That his sperm was congealed,

And both of his balls in rebellion.

1941

5/22/01:

There was an old man from Robles

Who went out to dine with some nobles.

He would risk his life,

And fucked the host's wife,

And now, so 'tis said, he has no balls.

1927

5/23/01:

One evening a workman named Rawls

Fell asleep in his old overalls.

And when he woke up he

Discovered a puppy

Had bitten off both of his balls.

1941

5/24/01:

There once was a peon named Leon

Who had such a face you could pee on.

When he said, "Si, si,"

We all made pee-pee

On the face of that peon named Leon.

1944

5/25/01:

There once was a sensitive bride

Who ran when the groom she espied.

When she looked at his swiver

They had to revive her,

But when he got it well in, she just sighed.

1952

5/26/01:

There was a young lady named Eva

Who went to a ball as Godiva.

But a change in the lights

Showed a tear in her tights,

And a low fellow present yelled, "Beaver!"

1927

5/27/01:

There was a young wingnut named Jeter

Had a skeeter come land on his peter.

He said, "Goody, Goody,

I see me some Boody!"

And probed it one-sixth of a meter.

Contributed by
lonepoet

5/28/01:

There was a young fellow from Oudh

Whose mind was excessively lewd.

He asserted, "All women

Seen dancin' or swimmin'

Would rather be home gettin' screwed."

1949

5/29/01:

There was a young lady of Dorset

Who went to an Ungerground closet.

She screwed up her ass

But passed only gas,

And that wasn't tuppence-worth, was it?

1947

5/30/01:

There was an old spinster named Campbell

Got tangled one day in a bramble.

She cried, "Ouch, how it sticks!

But so many sharp pricks

Are not met every day on a ramble."

1942

5/31/01:

While watching some tragical farces,

The audience had a catharsis.

Instead of real tears

They wept with their rears,

Which proves that catharsis my arse is.

1942