March 2001

Limericks o' the Day


A movement once rose 'mongst the masses
To travel about with bare asses.
At true lovers' parting,
The best form was farting
With buttocks immersed in molasses.


A gay young blade from Milano
Was Count Galeazzo Ciano.
Safe from the wars,
He found that his drawers
Contained rich deposits of guano.


There was a young girl from New York
Who expected a call from the stork.
So with infinite caution
She performed and abortion
With an icepick, a spoon, and a fork.


There once was a lady named Muir
Whose mind was so frightfully pure
That she fainted away
At a friend's house one day
When she saw some canary manure.


A bartender's wife named Michelle
Had a snatch that got juicy as hell.
Since she tasted so nice,
He would add rum and ice
And mix drinks that were easy to sell.
Contributed by
Theresa V.


A verse libre young poet from Reeder
Affirmed art without rhythm is sweeter.
But when she met Pete,
With his four metric feet,
She'd applied her technique to his meter.
Contributed by
Geo. A.


There was a young ladie from Ayr,
Who said to her friend, "I declare
That sex is much better
Without a french letter,
But it does make a mess of my hair."
Contributed by


There was a young lady of Newcastle
Who wrapped up a trud in a parcel,
And sent it to a relation
With this invitation---
"It has just come out hot from my arsehole."


There was an old whore of Marseilles
Who tried the new rotary spray.
Said she, "Ah, that's better...
Why here's a French letter
That's been missing since Armistice Day!"


Young Tom Doane, a promising jockey,
Laid up his spurs, felling rocky.
"I have got saddle-galls
On both of my balls."
But the doctor wrote down: Gonococci.


Here's to the State of Iowa
Whose soil is soft and rich.
We need no turd
From your beautiful bird,
You red-heded son-of-a-bitch.


A soi-disant Mynheer Professor
Met a beat-up old whore from Odessa.
She applied all her arts
To his genital parts,
But they only grew lesser and lesser.


The first love of a lady named Ederle
Found her hymen obstructed him steadily,
But he merely rubbed lard on
The end of his hard on,
And then found he entered quite readily.


A handsome young lad from Boston,
Bought himself a new Austin,
There was room for his ass,
And plenty of gas,
But the rest hung out and he lost'em !!!
Contributed by
Warren B.


There was a young man known as Royce
Who took an emetic by choice.
He was fed, quite by chance,
Half the crotch of the pants
Of a girl who kept crab-lice as toys.


There was a young man from Dundee
Who buggered an ape in a tree.
The result wasso horrid,
All ass and no forehead,
Three balls and a purple goatee.
Contributed by
Andrea C.


A curious fellow named Blatch
Tried igniting his fart with a match.
His cock got blown off,
But the blast left a trough
He was able to use as a snatch.
Contributed by
Theresa V.


Sweet Monica thought it no sin
To drink a whole bottle of gin,
Which explains the soiled dresses,
Her dishevelled tresses,
And the cum dripping off of her chin.
Contributed by
Bob M.


The limerick, peculiar to English,
Is a verse form that's hard to extinguish,
Once congress, in session,
Decreed it's suppression,
But people got around it by writing the last line without any rhyme or meter.
Contributed by
Don H.


God's plan made a hopeful beginnin',
But man spoiled his chances by sinnin'.
We trust that the story
Will end in God's glory,
But at present the other side's winnin'.
Contributed by
Don H.


The Acrobat
Part 1 of 8:

There was a young fellow named Dick
Who perfected a wonderful trick.
He'd get an erection,
And scorn all protection,
Then balance himself on his prick.
Contributed by
Don H.


The Acrobat
Part 2 of 8:

"Twas a fearful and wonderful sight
And the ladies all shrieked with delight;
But the men were less zealous
For it made them all jealous
And they said Dick had no copyright!
Contributed by
Don H.


The Acrobat
Part 3 of 8:

Then each of them tried it and failed,
While their wives looked on helpless and wailed.
For each one would teeter
And fall off his peter,
Or manage to get all derailed.
Contributed by
Don H.


The Acrobat
Part 4 of 8:

So Dick was the toast of the town;
There was nothing too good for that clown.
And the wives all came flocking
To the acrobat's cocking
While the husbands deplored his renown.
Contributed by
Don H.


The Acrobat
Part 5 of 8:

Then came the Frenchman Chagall:
Whose number would bring down the hall;
For his tour-de-force trick
Was to straddle his prick
And wheel out of sight on one ball.
Contributed by
Don H.


The Acrobat
Part 6 of 8:

The ladies all ran to tease Dick
That the frenchman had bettered his trick;
So he straddled and struggled
And one ball he juggled,
But knocked out his prop with a kick.
Contributed by
Don H.


The Acrobat
Part 7 of 8:

Now the tragedy didn't end there;
For as Richard whirled down through the air,
His prick became tied
In a knot that defied
All attempts to untangle it's snare.
Contributed by
Don H.


The Acrobat
Part 8 of 8:

Most men would have died of remorse;
But Dick found another resource;
For pretzels he'd pose
With his twisted up hose,
And he made a nice income,of course.
Contributed by
Don H.


I hear they have started a test run
On Liquid Viagra. When all done,
A fella will say,
At the end of the day:
"Hey, Baby, go pour me a stiff one."
Contributed by
Larry M.


There was a young artist named Bruce,
Who was renowned for being obtuse.
He painted his head
A dark crimson red
And his testicles purple and puce.
Contributed by
John N.


There was a young lady named Duff
With a lovely, luxuriant muff.
In his haste to get in her,
One eager beginner
Lost both of his balls in the rough.
Contributed by
Don H.

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