June 2001
Limericks o' the Day
6/1/01:
- There was a young man from Berlin,
- A patron of sexual sin,
- He crammed the small crease
- 'Twixt the legs of his niece
- With a foot of his old rolling pin.
1945
6/2/01:
- There once was an Indian called Ghandi,
- Who went in a pub for a shandy.
- He lifted his loin cloth
- To wipe the froth off,
- And the barmaid said, "Blimy that's handy!"
Contributed by
Andrew P.
6/3/01:
- Nymphomanical Queen Alice,
- Used a dynamite stick as a phallus,
- She stuck it right in,
- Straight up her quim,
- And blew up her twat and her palace!
Contributed by
Andrew P.
6/4/01:
- ”Competition's a bit of a jerk",
- Said our butcher, while hiding a smirk;
- ”The lazy young slob
- Sat down on the job,
- Got a little behind in his work."
Contributed by
Jan M.
6/5/01:
Part 1 of 2:
- ”Dear Dad, you are getting quite old;
- Your assets, I think, should be sold,
- And given to me,
- So that you can be free
- To live out those years they call gold.”
contributed by
Jan M.
6/6/01:
Part 2 of 2:
- ”Dear son, there's no reason to fret;
- I haven't got Alzheimer's yet;
- I'll do it my way,
- 'Till it's all pissed away;
- Not one nickel or dime will you get!”
contributed by
Jan M.
6/7/01:
- There once was a sailor named Rex
- Who spent his nights prowling the decks.
- It wasn't salt air
- That drew him out there,
- But sailors of the very same sex.
contributed by
The Calabash Flash
6/8/01:
- ”Dear Doctor, I fear I have thoughts
- Which cause havoc inside of my shorts.
- And I find that my cock
- Gets as hard as a rock
- And I come not in ounces but quarts.”
Contributed by
Jan M.
6/9/01:
- ”Fallopian tube dead ahead
- Cried the sperm as he upwardly sped.
- Then the splosh and the sploosh
- And the whoosh of a douche
- Flushed him downwards and outwards instead.
Contributed by
Jan M.
6/10/01:
- ”Hell No!”, said the Duchess of Quick
- I won't suck on that filthy old prick!
- It's not that I spurn
- A mouthful of sperm
- But the stench from his ass makes me sick!”
Contributed by
Jan M.
6/11/01:
- ”I'm so lonely” the homely lass whined
- She had kinky thoughts on her mind,
- But in Ft. Laramie
- Colonel John Jeremy
- Put his privates inside 'er behind.
Contributed by
Jan M.
6/12/01:
- There once was a man from Ealing,
- Who had no respectful feeling.
- The sign on the door,
- Said, "Don't piss on the floor!",
- So he stood up and pissed on the ceiling.
Contributed by
Julius
6/13/01:
- For many miles my Volks did roam,
- All covered with bright, shiny chrome.
- The day that she died,
- I wept and I cried,
- Now she's parked at the old Volk's home.
Contributed by
The Calabash Flash
6/14/01:
- ”Let's try it this new way,” said Jack
- As he winked at the girl in the sack.
- She turned and she grunted,
- ”I should be affronted,
- But this time, I'm taken aback!”
Contributed by
Jan M.
6/15/01:
Part 1 of 2:
- Lara Croft was a raider of tombs
- Whose best weapon sent foes to their dooms.
- Men she fought had no chance
- Once engulfed in the trance
- She induced with her mammoth bazooms!
6/15/01:
Part 2 of 2:
- Lara Croft launched a daring attack.
- Guns ablaze, the tomb raider fought back.
- 'Twas a pity she died,
- But, alas, she relied
- On some twit with the joystick named Jack.
Contributed by
Vic P.
6/17/01:
- A bi-sexual by the name of Straughter
- Did what he he shouldn'ta oughta.
- He went to Trieste
- To engage in incest
- With his son and his bow-legged daughter.
Contributed by
The Calabash Flash
6/18/01:
- Timid Tim wed a virgin named Heather.
- She was shy when they cuddled together.
- But the first time they stripped,
- He got hogtied and whipped
- By a thigh-booted bitch in black leather!
Contributed by
Theresa V.
6/19/01:
- A celebrity we know as Mork
- Was always pounding his pork.
- When he got his first piece
- From his underage niece,
- The next thing that came was the Stork.
Contributed by
The Calabash Flash
6/20/01:
- ”M' Lard”, said the sweet English maid,
- ”I wonder if I could get laid.
- In lieu of my wages,
- I'll fuck you in stages,
- A non-taxable way to get paid.”
Contributed by
Jan M.
6/21/01:
- A man by the name of Odum
- Had balls too big for his scrotum.
- He thought and he thought,
- But all was for naught,
- Cause he ne'er figured how to unload'em.
Contributed by
The Calabash Flash
6/22/01:
- A starry-eyed virgin named Carrie
- Planned a candlelight dinner for Harry.
- She was sure to impress
- In that black leather dress,
- Which, alas, sealed the fate of her cherry.
Contributed by
Theresa V.
6/23/01:
- The nipples of Miss Sarah Strong,
- When exicted, were 12 inches long.
- This embarassed her lover
- Who was pained to discover
- She expected no less of his dong.
Contributed by
The Calabash Flash
6/24/01:
Part 1 of 2:
- ”Next patient”, the doc said, and laughed
- As young Joe sidled in feeling daft.
- With his trousers a-flappin'
- Revealing a yappin'
- Chihuahua impaled on his shaft.
6/25/01:
Part 2 of 2:
- ”Oh please don't tell mom; she'll go mad.”
- ”Why, of course not, young Joe; don't look sad.
- It's quite normal and soon
- When you're older (next June)
- You'll grow out of this puppy love, lad.”
Contributed by
Jan M.
6/26/01:
- An exotic young hooker named Lily
- Could delight any John, Dick or Willy.
- But the best thing she gave
- To a pecker named Dave
- Was a refund -- for his was a dilly!
Contributed by
Theresa V.
6/27/01:
- ”No bananas”, she said with a sigh,
- As a tear trickled down from her eye.
- ”No cukes, no zucchinis,
- No Oscar Meyer weenies.
- I'll have to go find me a guy.”
Contributed by
Jan M.
6/28/01:
- A psychiatrist/proctologist named Stutts
- Showed that he had lots of guts.
- When he erected a sign
- At 4th Street and Vine
- That read, "We treat Nuts and Butts!"
Contributed by
The Calabash Flash
6/29/01:
Part 1 of 2:
- ”Oh Father”, said young Sister Bridget,
- A-squirming and all of a fidget.
- ”I'm sorry to say
- And confess every day
- That I diddle myself with my digit.”
6/30/01:
Part 2 of 2:
- ”God bless you, my daughter”, he said.
- ”I forgive you; there's nothing to dread.”
- (And he fingered his pole
- As he thought of the hole
- In the ceiling right over her bed.)
Contributed by
Jan M.
Go back