July 2001

Limericks o' the Day


A lady by name of Dundee
First gave it away for free.
You can still get her stuff,
But times, they are tough,
So now you must pay her a fee.
Contributed by
The Calabash Flash


”Wanna screw in the office, dear Kate?"
”OK." "Then; we'll stay a bit late.”
But, on starting to screw,
In came Joe, ”Who are you?”
”I'm her Orifice Manager, Mate!”
Contributed by
Jan M.


A beauty with charm was my Jane.
Personality, looks, and a brain!
Yet she lived free from sin
(Well, I couldn't get in!)
I'll not bother to see her again ...
Contributed by
Jan M.


"Well, let's share and make it a triple,
Each of us sucking one nipple.
But when it comes to the holes,
We'll have to change poles,
And decide whose turn 'tis to tickle."
Contributed by


A befuddled sweet Chicky named Ida
Said to Gavin as he slid it insider.
”I'd much rather be
Underneath as 'ridee'
Than on top in the role of the rider.”
Contributed by
Jan M.


A bitchy young babe from Le Bou
Complained everytime she would screw.
She was a big pain,
As your pecker she'd drain
But with earplugs she surely would do
Contributed by
Jan M.


A bottle of perfume that Willie sent
Was highly displeasing to Millicent.
Her thanks were so cold,
That they quarrelled, I'm told
'Cause Willie sent Millicent silly scent.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A Chicago meat packer named Young
One day, when his nerves were unstrung,
Put his wife's ma, unseen,
In a sausage machine,
And canned her, and labelled her ”Tongue.”
Contributed by
Jan M.


A cardiac patient named Fred
Made a limerick up in his head.
But before he had time
To write down the last line
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a girl named Korky,
Who used her mouth quite adroitly.
The boys she would please
From down on her knees.
She bobbed like a fisherman's cork, see.
Contributed by


A co-ed whose thinking was cool
Seduced a young man at her school.
To avoid her conception,
And prevent an infection,
A condom was put on his tool.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A curious lass from Dundee
Tried two lads simultaneously.
From the fore and the aft
She was given the shaft.
Now it pains her to sit and to pee.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A curious thing, the vagina;
Besides being a lovely recliner,
It has lips that don't talk,
And goes 'squish' when you walk,
But I can't think of anything finer!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A daredevil skater named Lowe
Leaps barrels arranged in the snow.
But is proudest of doing
Some incredible screwing,
Since he's jumped13 girls in a row!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A decrepit old gas man named Peter,
While hunting around for the meter,
Touched a lamp with his light...
He rose out of sight,
And, as anyone can see by reading this, he also completely destroyed the meter.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A dentist, young Doctor Malone
Got a charming girl patient alone.
And in his depravity,
Filled the wrong cavity,
And my, how his practice has grown!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A despairing old landlord named Fyfe
With a frigid and quarrelsome wife,
Let his third-story front,
To a willing young cunt,
Who supplied him a new lease on life!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A devious young lady named Alice,
Sought to live out her life in a palace.
So with mouth and by hand,
And a pussy most grand,
She pleasures the king's royal phallus.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A stubborn young welder named Pitts
Thought blondes with big boobs were all twits.
He was thrilled when he met
A vivacious brunette
Who was blessed with a set o'lean tits.
Contributed by
Theresa V.


A DNA mix-up named Doris
Had a strangely located clitoris,
It was attached to her gums,
So whenever she hums,
She comes when she reaches the chorus!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A dowager from old Sneden Landing
Had manners both bluff and commanding.
It was one of her jests
To trip up her guests,
For she hates to keep gentlemen standing!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A flighty young gal named Melissa
Was careless as hell on the pissa.
One day in the rush,
She was caught in the flush,
And goodness knows all of us missa!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A foreman who's known to be rude
Said something a worker thought lewd.
Though red in the face,
She's got a court case,
So it's his butt that's going to be screwed.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There was a young man named McGruder,
He saw a lass and he woo'ed 'er.
The lass was crass,
And said "Kiss my ass,"
But McGruder was cruder, he screwed 'er!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A French boy, whose name is Pierre
Engaged in a family affair.
He and his big brother
Were gang-banging Mother
While Sis sucked off Dad in his chair.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A gal who weighed many an ounce
Used words nice girls don't pronounce.
Her brother, one day,
Pulled her chair away,
He wanted to see if she'd bounce.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A flying instructor named Dwight
Took a babe on her very first flight.
He could tell, from her glance
At the bulge in his pants,
He'd be up in her cockpit tonight!
Contributed by
Theresa V.


A gardener named Kenneth McDeare
Likes plants more than women, we fear.
”He's hardly perennial.”
Say folks who know Kenny well.
”He only comes up once a year”
Contributed by
Jan M.


A gay prison chaplain named Locke
Had a passion for hard convict cock.
For his ass-holey ways,
In his Alcatraz days,
He was nicknamed "The Piece of the Rock."
Contributed by
Jan M.


A gentle old lady I knew
Was dozing one day in her pew;
When the preacher yelled ”Sin!”
She said, ”Count me in!
As soon as the service is through!”
Contributed by
Jan M.


Consider the humiliation
Of teachers of sex education,
When requested to speak,
Must display their technique,
With some doll that requires inflation.
Contributed by

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