1/1/01:

A lovely young virgin named Lynn

Once said about fucking, "It's sin."

But a fellow named Tang,

With a twenty-inch wang,

Made her cry to the heavens, "It's in!"

Contributed by
Theresa V.

1/2/01:

There was a young woman named Hunt

At a costume ball, dressed as a cunt.

She teamed up with Nick,

Who had come as a dick,

To perform an xxxceptional stunt!

Contributed by
Theresa V.

1/3/01:

There was a young man from Cape Grace

Who blew a fart out into space.

With gravity's attraction

And Einstein's reaction,

It returned and spat shit in his face!

Contributed by
John C.

1/4/01:

There was a bluestocking in Florence

Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,

Till a Spanish grandee

Got her off with his knee,

And she burned all her works with abhorrence.

1942

1/5/01:

A sailor ashore in Peru

Said, "Signora, quanto por la screw?"

"For only one peso

I will, if you say so,

Be buggered, and nibble it, too."

1942

1/6/01:

There's a man in the city of Dublin

Whose pego is always him troublin',

And it's now come to this,

That he can't go to piss,

But the spunk with the piddle comes bubblin'.

1870

1/7/01:

A sprightly young tart in Pompeii

Used to make fifty drachma per lay.

But age dimmed her renown

And now she lies down

Fifty times for the same pay.

1942

1/8/01:

Tom found his new boss inspirational.

Her legs, in tight skirts, were sensational!

Her alluring eyes

Made his temperature rise.

He became, in a word, masterbational!

Contributed by
Theresa V.

1/9/01:

Says a busy young whore named Miss Randalls,

As men by the dozens she handles,

"When I get this busy

My cunt gets all jizzy,

And it runs down my legs like wax candles."

1942

1/10/01:

There was a young woman named Lily,

Who chanced to be born with a willy.

Since she had a cunt too,

When she felt like a screw

She could lie back and fuck herself silly!

Contributed by
Theresa V.

1/11/01:

A prosperous merchant of Rhone

Took orders for cunt on the phone,

Or the same could be baled,

Stamped, labeled, and mailed

To a limited parcel-post zone.

1948

1/12/01:

There was an old man from Bubjungi

Whose balls were all covered with fungi.

One day at lunch,

He broke off a bunch

And said, "Here, divide this among ye!"

Contributed by
John C.

1/13/01:

The replies to Kim's ad were not funny.

She would not have some fag for her honey!

But she targeted them

With "GWM",

Believing it meant "guy with money".

Contributed by
Theresa V.

1/14/01:

DuPont, Monsanto, and Shell

Built a world-circling pussy cartel,

And by planned obsolescence

So controlled detumescence

A poor man could not get a smell.

1948

1/15/01:

A golfer from old Aberdeen

Had a swing that you never had seen.

When he hit for the boll,

He lost the control,

And swinged HIMSELF up on the green.

Contributed by
Torsten

1/16/01:

There was a young girl of Dalkeith

With a hymen in need of relief,

So she went to the doctor

Who prodded and shocked her,

And stretched it with fingers and teeth.

1952

1/17/01:

There was a young girl of Batonger,

Used to diddle herself with a conger.

When asked how it feels

To be pleasured by eels,

She said, "Just like a man, only longer."

1941

1/18/01:

"My Nieces are darling," said Sid.

"To oblige them, I do as I'm bid."

As he tucked them in bed,

He asked, "What's to be read?"

"Uncle Rhemus," they cried." And he did.

Contributed by
Geo. A.

1/19/01:

A light-footed, old Commodore,

More easy than a two-bit whore,

Just wanted to drink

And to fondle your dink,

But he's not around anymore.

1945

1/20/01:

A marine being sent to Hong Kong

Got his doctor to alter his dong.

He sailed off with a tool

Flat and thin as a rule---

When he got there he found he was wrong.

1942

1/21/01:

The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher

Called a girl a most elegant creature.

So she laid on her back

And, exposing her crack,

Said, "Fuck that, you old Sunday School Teacher!"

1948

1/22/01:

There once was a man named of Sweeny

Who dribbled some gin on his weenie.

Not being uncouth,

He added vermouth,

And slipped his wife a martini.

Contributed by
Bob W.

1/23/01:

A legal assistant named Alice

Craved a certain solicitor's phallus,

And indeed didn't mind

That the contract she signed

Cited no cunnilingus nor malice.

Contributed by
Theresa V.

1/24/01:

There was a fat lady of Bryde

Whose shoelaces once came untied.

She didn't dare stoop

For fear she would poop,

And she cried and she cried and she cried.

1927

1/25/01:

Performing bare-bosomed thrilled Tipper,

Her first night on stage as a stripper!

But disaster ensued.

She was only half nude,

When her cunt hair got caught in her zipper.

Contributed by
Theresa V.

1/26/01:

There was a young girl from Seattle

Whose hobby was sucking off cattle.

But a bull from the South

Left a wad in her mouth

That made both her ovaries rattle.

1941

1/27/01:

There once was a woman named Monica

Who blew Bill Clinton on Hannukah.

When questioned in court,

Her answer was short:

"I played it like a harmonica."

Contributed by
Marty M.

1/28/01:

There once was a man from France

Who liked to take off his pants.

He pulled down his shorts

And showed all his warts,

And that's when we saw all the ants.

Contributed by
Marty M.

1/29/01:

A mathematician confided

That a Mobius strip is one-sided.

You'll get quite a laugh

If you cut it in half

For it stays in one piece when divided.

Contributed by
Marty M.

1/30/01:

There was a young fellow named Peter

Who was laying his gal with a cheater,

When the rubber thing broke

And started to smoke

From the friction with her piss-hole (ureter).

1946

1/31/01:

There was an old sailor named Jock

Who was wrecked on a desolate rock.

He had nothing to eat

But the punk off his feet,

And the cheese from the end of his cock.

1941