10/1/99:

There was a young lady of Maine

Who declared she'd a man on the brain.

But you knew from the view

Of the way her waist grew,

It was not on her brain that he'd lain.

1941

10/2/99:

There was a young fellow named Bob

Who explained to his friends with a sob,

"The size of my phallus

Was just right for Alice

Till the night that she bit off the knob."

1941

10/3/99:
Part 1 of 2:

There was a young man with a prick

Which into his wife he would stick

Every morning and night

If it stood up all right---

Not a very remarkable trick.

10/4/99:
Part 2 of 2:

His wife had a nice little cunt:

It was hairy, and soft, and in front,

And with this she would fuck him,

Though sometimes she'd suck him---

A charming, if commonplace, stunt.

1941

10/5/99:

One fine day a man of good cheer

Asked Descartes if he'd like a beer.

What the man got

Was "I think not";

And he watched Descartes disappear.

Contributed by
Bob D.

10/6/99:

There was an old whore of Warsaw

Who fucked all her customers raw.

She would thump with her rump,

And punt with her cunt,

And lick every prick that she saw.

1941

10/7/99:

A bibulous bishop would preach

After sunning his balls on the beach.

But his love life was ended

By a paunch so distended

It annulled, ipso facto, his reach.

1945

10/8/99:

A cartographer, Harrison by name,

By projection of balls gained his fame.

The walls of his halls

Were hung not with balls,

But peculiar distortions of same.

1947

10/9/99:

There once was a young man named Jim

Whose everyday breakfast was quim.

He eschewed meat and grain

And even fish for the brain,

He was stupid, but happy and slim.

Contributed by
Jim C.

10/10/99:

An epicure, dining at Crew

Found quite a large mouse in his stew.

Said the waiter, "Don't shout,

And wave it about,

Or the others will be wanting one too!"

Contributed by
Bob B.

10/11/99:

There was a young lady of Erskine,

And the chief of her charms was her fair skin,

But the sable she wore

(She had several more)

She had earned while wearing her bare skin.

1941

10/12/99:

There was an old girl of Nantucket

Who went down to hell in a bucket,

And the last words she spoke

Before the rope broke,

Were: "Ass-hole, you bugger, and suck it!"

1879

10/13/99:

A girl of uncertain nativity

Had an ass of extreme sensitivity.

When she sat on the lap

Of a German or Jap,

She could sense Fifth Column activity.

1943

10/14/99:

There once was a knowledgeful whore

Who knew all the coital lore.

But she found there were many

Who preferred her fat fanny,

And now she don't fuck anymore.

1948

10/15/99:

There was a young virgin named Violet

Whose hope was to remain inviolate.

But she let a man neck her

And soon his hard pecker

Had wedged itself firmly in Violet.

1941

10/16/99:

A hermit who lived on St. Roque

Had a lily perfected to poke.

He diddled the donkeys

And meddled with monkeys,

And would have done worse, but it broke.

1942

10/17/99:

There were three young ladies of Fetters,

Annoyed all their elders and betters

By stuffing their cock-holders

With proxies for stockholders,

Old bills, and anonymous letters.

1941

10/18/99:

Said a pretty young whore of Hong Kong

To a long-pronged patron named Wong,

"They say my vagina's

The nicest in China---

Dont' ruin it my donging it wrong."

1941

10/19/99:

There was a young whore from Madrid

Who anyone could fuck for a quid.

But a bastard Italian

With balls like a stallion

Said he'd do it for nothing---and did.

1938

10/20/99:

A passion-swept dame called Dolores

Is the hottest of history's whores.

Thought we fuck her with zest,

When we crawl home to rest,

Guess who's there waiting for us---

Dolores, of cour-es!

1941

10/21/99:

There was a young fellow of Rhodes

Whose testicles turned into toads.

He, horrified, wept,

As they struggled and leapt:

"Give me back my quiescent old nodes!"

1945

10/22/99:

There was a young maiden from Osset

Whose quim was nine inches across it.

Said a young man named Tong,

With tool nine inches long,

"I'll put bugger-in if I loss it."

1941

10/23/99:

There was an old man of Tagore

Who tried out his cook as a whore.

He used Bridget's twidget

To fidget his digit,

And now she won't cook any more.

1941

10/24/99:

There was a hot girl from the Saar

Who fucked all, both from near and from far.

When asked to explain,

She replied with disdain,

"I'm trying to buy me a car."

1943

10/25/99:

There was an old party of Fife

Who suspected a clap in his wife.

So he boughy an injection

To cure the infection,

which gave him a stricture for life.

1870

10/26/99:

Said an elderly whore named Arlene,

"I prefer a young lad of eighteen.

There's more cream in his larder,

And his pecker gets harder,

And he fucks in a manner obscene."

1941

10/27/99:

Said a madam named Mamie La Farge

To a sailor just off of a barge,

"We have one girl that's dead,

With a hole in her head---

Of course there's a slight extra charge."

1944

10/28/99:

Two young girls who lived in Ft. Tunney

Decided to shop their dofunny.

"We had papa tutor us

To cash in on our uterus;

We park transients now, in each cunny!"

1943

10/29/99:

There's a lovely young lady named Shittlecock

Who loves to play diddle and fiddle-cock,

But her cunt's got a pucker

That's best not to fuck, or

When least you expect it to, it'll lock.

1952

10/30/99:

The limerick form is complex

Its contents run chiefly to sex.

It burgeons with virgeons

And masculine urgeons,

And swarms with erotic effex.

1944

10/31/99:

In the speech of his time, did the Bard

Refer to his prick as his "yard",

But sigh no more, madams:

'Twas no longer than Adam's

Or mine, and not one half so hard.

1944