11/1/99:

There was a young pair from Uganda

Who were having a fuck on a veranda.

The drip from their fucks

Fed forty-two ducks,

Three geese, and a fucking big gander.

1942

11/2/99:

There was a young man from Oswego

Who fell in love with a Dago.

He dreamt that his Venus

Was jerking his penis,

And woke up all covered with sago.

1946

11/3/99:

There once was a baker of Nottingham

Who in making eclairs would put snot in 'em.

When he ran out of snot,

He would, like as not,

Take his pecker and jack off a shot in 'em.

1941

11/3/99:

There once was a lady from Cadger

Who, as the result of a wager,

Consented to fart

The whole oboe part

Of Mozart's quartet in F-Major.

Contributed by
Joan A.

11/5/99:

In the city of York there's a lass

Who will hitch up her dress when you pass.

If you toss her two bits

She will strip to the tits,

And let you explore her bare ass.

1945

11/6/99:

There was an old lady of Cheadle

Who sat down in church on a needle.

The needle, though blunt,

Penetrated her cunt,

But was pronptly removed by the beadle.

1879

11/7/99:

There was a young girl from the Creek

Who had her periods twice every week.

"How very provoking,"

Said the Vicar from Woking,

"There's no time for poking, so to speak."

1927

11/8/99:

A miner who bored in Brazil

Found some very strange rust on his drill.

He thought it a joke

Till the bloody thing broke---

Now his tailings are practically nil.

1942

11/9/99:

Two pretty young twins named Mahony

Once tickled a horse's baloney.

With a spurt and a splash

They fell with a crash,

And no one knew which had the Toni.

1952

11/10/99:

There was a young pansy named Birch

Who developed a taste for the church,

And monks, priests, and preachers,

And such mouthy creatures,

Were the uplifted ends of his search.

1941

11/11/99:

A convict once, out in Australia,

Said unto his turnkey, "I'll tail yer."

But he said, "You be buggered,

You filthy old sluggard,

You're forgetting as I am your jailer."

1870

11/12/99:

There once was a man named Brewster,

Who said to his wife as he goosed her,

"That used to be grand,

But look at my hand,

Your not wiping as good as you used to."

Contributed by
Sandy

11/13/99:

There was an old person of Sark

Who buggered a pig in the dark.

The swine, in surprise,

Murmured, "God blast your eyes,

Do you take me for Boulton or Park?"

1879

11/14/99:

A Bavarian dame namd Brunhilder

Went to bed with a jerry-built builder.

The end of his john

Was so badly put on

That it snapped in her bladder and killed her.

1941

11/15/99:

There was a young man of St. John's

Who wanted to bugger the swans.

But the loyal hall-porter

Said, "Pray, take my daughter!

Them birds are reserved for the dons."

1928

11/16/99:

There was an old man of Molucca

Who wanted his daughter, to fuck her.

But she got the best

Of his little incest,

And poxed the old man of Molucca.

1870

11/17/99:

There once was a priest of Gibraltar

Who wrote dirty jokes in his psalter.

An inhibited nun

Who had read every one

Made a vow to be laid on his altar.

1938

11/18/99:

There once was a man from Nantucket

Whose dick was so long he could suck it.

He said, "Though quite crass,"

As he lubed up his ass,

"I found a nice place I can tuck it."

Contributed by
Anonymous

11/19/99:

A complacent old don of Divinity

Made boast of his daughter's virginity.

They must have been dawdlin'

Down at old Magdalen---

It couldn't have happened at Trinity.

1938

11/20/99:

A husband who craved to be sterile

Because of the pregnancy peril

Said, "I've thought of vasectomy,

But my wife then might hector me,

And threaten divorce when we quarrel."

1941

11/21/99:

There was a young lady named Nance

Whose lover had St. Vitus dance.

When she dove for his prick,

He wriggled so quick,

She bit a piece out of his pants.

1941

11/22/99:

A homely old spinster of France,

Who all the men looked at askance,

Threw her skirt overhead

And then jumped into bed,

Saying, "Now I've at least half a chance."

1941

11/23/99:

There was an old fellow of Pittwood

Who never was able to shit good.

He'd leave small deposits

On shelves and in closets,

As a very small pup or a kit would.

1949

11/24/99:

The Marquesa de Excusador

Used to pee on the drawing-room floor,

For the can was too cold

And when one grows old

To be much alone is a bore.

1942

11/25/99:

There was a young girl from St. Cyr

Whose reflex reactions were queer.

Her escort said, "Mable,

Get up off the table;

The money's to pay for the beer."

1949

11/26/99:

No one can tell about Myrtle

Whether she's sterile or fertile.

If anyone tries

To tickle her thighs

She closes them tight like a turtle.

1943

11/27/99:

There was an old spinster named Gretel

Who wore underclothes made of metal.

When they said, "Does it hurt?"

She said, "It keeps dirt

From stamen and pistil and petal."

1942

11/28/99:

There were three young ladies of Grimsby

Who said, "Of what use can our quims be?

The hole in the middle

Is so we can piddle,

But for what can the hole in the rims be?"

1928

11/29/99:

There was a young girl named McKnight

Who got drunk with her boyfriend one night.

She came to in bed

With a split maidenhead---

That's the last time she ever was tight.

1941

11/30/99:

The Bishop of Ibu Plantation

Wrote a thesis on Transfiguration

For the Christian Review

(As good Bishops do)

Whilst practicing miscegenation.

1944