Limericks o' the Day
- There was an old man who could piss
- Through a ring---and, what's more, never miss.
- People came by the score,
- And bellowed, "Encore!
- Won't you do it again, Sir? Bis! Bis!"
- There was young lady from 'Quoddie
- Who had a magnificent body,
- And her face was not bad,
- Yet she'd never been had
- For her odor was markedly coddy.
- There was a young man of Rangoon
- Who farted and filled a balloon.
- The balloon went so high
- That it stuck in the sky,
- And stank out the Man in the Moon.
- There once was a lady who'd sinned,
- Who said as her abdomen thinned,
- "By my unsullied honor,
- I'm not a madonna!
- My baby has gone with the wind."
- There was a young lady named Hitchin
- Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen.
- Her mother said, "Rose,
- It's the crabs, I suppose."
- She said, "Yes, and the buggers are itchin'."
- A newlywed man in Peru
- Found himself in a terrible stew:
- His wife was in bed
- Much deader than dead,
- And so he had no one to screw.
- Young girls of seductive proportions
- Should take contraceptive precautions:
- Silly young Ermintrude
- Let one small sperm intrude...
- Who's the best man for abortions?
- In the pitch black dark of the mill
- An old man made history still.
- Said he, with Viagra,
- When he bent down to grab ya,
- "Don't worry babe, I'm on the pill!"
- There was a young girl named Dinwiddie
- With a brace of voluptuous titty.
- But the boys squeezed them so
- That they hung down below,
- And one drooped behind and got shitty.
- There was a young curate of Buckingham
- Who was blamed by the girls for not fucking 'em.
- He said, "Though my cock
- Is as hard as a rock,
- Your cunts are too slack. Put a tuck in 'em."
- There was an old lady of Ypres
- Who got shot in the ass by some snipers,
- And when she blew air
- Through the holes that were there,
- She astonished the Cameron Pipers.
- A lusty young woodsman of Maine
- For years with no woman had lain,
- But he found sublimation
- At a high elevation
- In the crotch of a pine---God, the pain!
- A rank whore, there ne'er was a ranker,
- Possessed an Hunterian chancre,
- But she made an elision
- By a transverse incision,
- For which all her lovers may thank her.
- When the judge, with his wife having sport,
- Proved suddenly two inches short,
- The good woman declined,
- And the judge had her fined
- By proving contempt of the court.
- A stout Gaelic warrior, McPherson,
- Was having a captive, a person
- Who was not averse
- Though she had the curse,
- And he'd breeches of bristling furs on.
- There was a young man from Lynn
- Whose cock was the size of a pin.
- Said his girl with a laugh
- As she felt his staff,
- "This won't be much of a sin."
- There was a young Queen of Baroda
- Who bulit a new kind of pagoda.
- The walls of its halls
- Were festooned with the balls
- And the tools of the fools that bestrode her.
- There once was a sergeant named Schmitt
- Who wanted a crime to commit.
- He thought raping women
- Was a little too common,
- So he buggered an aged tomtit.
- There was a young man from Liberia
- Who was forced to flee to the interior.
- He'd buggered a brother,
- His father and mother---
- He considered his sisters inferior.
- There once was a brilliant young poet
- Who loved it---wouldn't you know it?
- When you'd want to six nine
- His penis would pine.
- "I just can't," it said; "I can't go it."
- There was a young party of Bicester
- Who wanted to bugger his sister,
- But not liking dirt,
- He bought him a squirt,
- And cleaned out her arse with a clyster.
- There once was a man named O'Malley
- Who was frigging a lassie named Sally.
- The first words she spoke,
- As he gave her a poke,
- Were "Mister, you're right up my alley!"
Kelly H. and Jimmy M.
- There was a young man of Berlin
- Whom disease had despoiled of his skin,
- But he said with much pride,
- "Though deprived of my hide,
- I can still enjoy a put in."
- There was a young man of Tibet,
- And this is the strangest one yet---
- His prick was so long,
- And so pointed and strong,
- He could bugger six Greeks en brochette.
- A tender young schoolboy named Bart
- Once silently squeezed out a fart.
- The smell of his gas
- Filled the entire math class
- Then drifted to Music and Art
- A young entomologist, Bunny
- Did something that I found quite funny.
- She pulled down her pants
- And went hunting for ants
- By coating her cunt with fresh honey.
- There was an old party of Wokingham.
- And his whores said he always was poking 'em.
- But all he could do
- Was to tongue-fuck a few.
- And sniff at his fingers while roking 'em.
- There was a young lady of Rhodes
- Who sinned in unusual modes.
- At the height of her fame
- She abruptly became
- The mother of four dozen toads.
- There was a small girl called Louise
- Whose backside was stung by some bees.
- She rushed home to Mother
- Who proceeded to smother
- Her bottom with tubs of cream cheese.
- There once was a sacred baboon
- That lived by the river Rangoon,
- And all of the women
- That came to go swimmin'
- He'd bang by the light of the moon.
- A perverted old barber once said,
- "I never can trim a man's head,
- 'Cause I wish that his jowls
- Were nearer his bowels,
- And his nose were a pecker instead."