5/1/99:

There was an old man who could piss

Through a ring---and, what's more, never miss.

People came by the score,

And bellowed, "Encore!

Won't you do it again, Sir? Bis! Bis!"

1928

5/2/99:

There was young lady from 'Quoddie

Who had a magnificent body,

And her face was not bad,

Yet she'd never been had

For her odor was markedly coddy.

1949

5/3/99:

There was a young man of Rangoon

Who farted and filled a balloon.

The balloon went so high

That it stuck in the sky,

And stank out the Man in the Moon.

1879

5/4/99:

There once was a lady who'd sinned,

Who said as her abdomen thinned,

"By my unsullied honor,

I'm not a madonna!

My baby has gone with the wind."

1947

5/5/99:

There was a young lady named Hitchin

Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen.

Her mother said, "Rose,

It's the crabs, I suppose."

She said, "Yes, and the buggers are itchin'."

1879

5/6/99:

A newlywed man in Peru

Found himself in a terrible stew:

His wife was in bed

Much deader than dead,

And so he had no one to screw.

1946

5/7/99:

Young girls of seductive proportions

Should take contraceptive precautions:

Silly young Ermintrude

Let one small sperm intrude...

Who's the best man for abortions?

1958

5/8/99:

In the pitch black dark of the mill

An old man made history still.

Said he, with Viagra,

When he bent down to grab ya,

"Don't worry babe, I'm on the pill!"

Contributed by
Roger G.

5/9/99:

There was a young girl named Dinwiddie

With a brace of voluptuous titty.

But the boys squeezed them so

That they hung down below,

And one drooped behind and got shitty.

1941

5/10/99:

There was a young curate of Buckingham

Who was blamed by the girls for not fucking 'em.

He said, "Though my cock

Is as hard as a rock,

Your cunts are too slack. Put a tuck in 'em."

1928

5/11/99:

There was an old lady of Ypres

Who got shot in the ass by some snipers,

And when she blew air

Through the holes that were there,

She astonished the Cameron Pipers.

1941

5/12/99:

A lusty young woodsman of Maine

For years with no woman had lain,

But he found sublimation

At a high elevation

In the crotch of a pine---God, the pain!

1941

5/13/99:

A rank whore, there ne'er was a ranker,

Possessed an Hunterian chancre,

But she made an elision

By a transverse incision,

For which all her lovers may thank her.

1870

5/14/99:

When the judge, with his wife having sport,

Proved suddenly two inches short,

The good woman declined,

And the judge had her fined

By proving contempt of the court.

1942

5/15/99:

A stout Gaelic warrior, McPherson,

Was having a captive, a person

Who was not averse

Though she had the curse,

And he'd breeches of bristling furs on.

1942

5/16/99:

There was a young man from Lynn

Whose cock was the size of a pin.

Said his girl with a laugh

As she felt his staff,

"This won't be much of a sin."

1927

5/17/99:

There was a young Queen of Baroda

Who bulit a new kind of pagoda.

The walls of its halls

Were festooned with the balls

And the tools of the fools that bestrode her.

1938

5/18/99:

There once was a sergeant named Schmitt

Who wanted a crime to commit.

He thought raping women

Was a little too common,

So he buggered an aged tomtit.

1944

5/19/99:

There was a young man from Liberia

Who was forced to flee to the interior.

He'd buggered a brother,

His father and mother---

He considered his sisters inferior.

1947

5/20/99:

There once was a brilliant young poet

Who loved it---wouldn't you know it?

When you'd want to six nine

His penis would pine.

"I just can't," it said; "I can't go it."

1942

5/21/99:

There was a young party of Bicester

Who wanted to bugger his sister,

But not liking dirt,

He bought him a squirt,

And cleaned out her arse with a clyster.

1879

5/22/99:

There once was a man named O'Malley

Who was frigging a lassie named Sally.

The first words she spoke,

As he gave her a poke,

Were "Mister, you're right up my alley!"

Contributed by
Kelly H. and Jimmy M.

5/23/99:

There was a young man of Berlin

Whom disease had despoiled of his skin,

But he said with much pride,

"Though deprived of my hide,

I can still enjoy a put in."

1879

5/24/99:

There was a young man of Tibet,

And this is the strangest one yet---

His prick was so long,

And so pointed and strong,

He could bugger six Greeks en brochette.

1941

5/25/99:

A tender young schoolboy named Bart

Once silently squeezed out a fart.

The smell of his gas

Filled the entire math class

Then drifted to Music and Art

Contributed by
Jimmy M.

5/26/99:

A young entomologist, Bunny

Did something that I found quite funny.

She pulled down her pants

And went hunting for ants

By coating her cunt with fresh honey.

Contributed by
Jimmy M.

5/27/99:

There was an old party of Wokingham.

And his whores said he always was poking 'em.

But all he could do

Was to tongue-fuck a few.

And sniff at his fingers while roking 'em.

1870

5/28/99:

There was a young lady of Rhodes

Who sinned in unusual modes.

At the height of her fame

She abruptly became

The mother of four dozen toads.

1943

5/29/99:

There was a small girl called Louise

Whose backside was stung by some bees.

She rushed home to Mother

Who proceeded to smother

Her bottom with tubs of cream cheese.

Contributed by
Aldo

5/30/99:

There once was a sacred baboon

That lived by the river Rangoon,

And all of the women

That came to go swimmin'

He'd bang by the light of the moon.

1941

5/31/99:

A perverted old barber once said,

"I never can trim a man's head,

'Cause I wish that his jowls

Were nearer his bowels,

And his nose were a pecker instead."

1941