3/1/99:

A girl of as graceful a mien

As ever in London was seen,

Stepped into a pub,

Hit her man with a club,

And razored to shreds his machine.

1946

3/2/99:

There was a young lady of Gloucester,

Met a passionate fellow who tossed her.

She wasn't much hurt,

But he dirtied her skirt,

So think of the anguish it cost her.

1927

3/3/99:

There once was a young English miner

Who prospected a bit in North China.

He described a crevasse in an igneous mass

That ran horizontal and sparkled like glass,

As a petrified Chinese vagina.

1945

3/4/99:

There was a young maid of Boston, Mass.

Who stood in the water up to her knees.

(If it doesn't rhyme now,

It will when the tide comes in.)

1941

3/5/99:

A modern monk nicknamed Augustin,

His penis a boy's bottom thrust in.

Then said Father Ignatius,

"Now really! Good gracious!

Your conduct is really disgustin'."

1870

3/6/99:

There was a young lady from Thrace

Whose corsets got too tight to lace.

Her mother said, "Nelly,

There's things in your belly

That never got in through your face."

1932

3/7/99:

Said old Mr. Wellington Koo,

"Now what in the Hell shall I do?

My wife is too hot,

I can't fill up her slot---"

So he screwed her to bits trying to.

1952

3/8/99:

There was an old man from Keith

Who never could get any pieth

By asking young men

If they hadn't the yen

To get sucked off by one without teeth.

1942

3/9/99:

A fine Southern lady named Hentz

Preferred colored boys when she'd yentz.

She explained, "When they're black

They've a spring in their back,

And their tolls are most always immense."

1941

3/10/99:

There was a young girl from Vistula

To whom a friend said, "Jeff has kissed you, la!"

Said she, "Yes, by God!

But my arse he can't sod,

Because I am troubled with fistula."

1879

3/11/99:

There once was a man from Taipei

Whose wife was always away.

Those times she was home,

He gave her the bone,

And she'd smile as she went away

Contributed by
Richard S.

3/12/99:

There once was a writer named Mark

Who encountered a cunt in the dark.

He said, "Now, by thunder,

It's a Natural Wonder---

I declare this a National Park!"

1944

3/13/99:

There was a young man from Winsocket

Who put a girl's hand in his pocket.

Her delicate touch

Thrilled his pecker so much

It shot off in the air like a rocket.

1942

3/14/99:

A young woman got married at Chester,

Her mother she kissed and she blessed her.

Says she, "You're in luck.

He's a stunning good fuck,

For I've had him myself down in Leicester."

1870

3/15/99:

There was a young man named Treet

Who minced as he walked down the street.

He wore shoes of bright red,

And playfully said,

"I may not be strong, but I'm sweet."

1944

3/16/99:

There once was a kiddie named Carr

Caught a man on top of his mar.

As he saw him stick 'er,

He said with a snicker,

"You do it much faster than par."

1927

3/17/99:

A careless old hooker in Frisco

Got turpentine mixed in her pisco,

And scalded with steam

A muff-diver's dream

Because he refused to let puss go.

1942

3/18/99:

Said the horrible whore of Lahore

While ape-fucking against a door,

"This orang-utang

Is better than bhang---

The penis of man is quite a bore."

1918

3/19/99:

A guy with a build that was stallionate

Found it harder than Hades to copulate.

When sexually charged,

His appendage enlarged

To the girth of the girl he took out to date.

1952

3/20/99:

King Henry had already shown

What Clinton now wished he had known.

A guillotine is better

For a stain on a sweater

When the truth must never be known.

Contributed by
Marty G.

3/21/99:

There was once a young man from Snodgrass

Who had dingleberries hanging from his ass.

He threw them at people

And shoted from the steeple,

"I fuck you all up the ass!"

1950

3/22/99:

A neurotic young man from Tulane

Caused his mother considerable pain.

He poured nitroglycerin

Where his dad put his pisser in,

And then threw her under a train.

1945

3/23/99:

There was a young man from Ti'Juana

Who declared as he wallowed in guano,

"It may seem inbecilic

To be so coprophilic---

I indulge in it just 'cause I wanna."

1948

3/24/99:

That Rhode Island Red is a clucker.

For a handful of corn, she will pucker.

But the rooster is queer,

So it does not appear

There's a chance he is going to fuck 'er.

Contributed by
Tom A.

3/25/99:

An old man at the Folies Bergère

Had a jock, a most wondrous affair:

It snipped off a twat curl

From each new chorus girl,

And he had a wig made of the hair.

1942

3/26/99:

A swami once took Spanish fly

And ran clean amok to Delhi,

Where he jumped in the Ganges

And used his phalanges

To comfort the cunts swimming by.

1942

3/27/99:

The chief charm of a whore in Shalott

Was the absence of hair on her twat.

She kept it smooth-looking

Not by shaving or plucking,

But by all of the fucking she got.

1951

3/28/99:

There was a young man from St. Paul's

Who read Harper's Bazaar and McCall's

Till he grew such a passion

For feminine fashion

That he knitted a snood for his balls.

1944

3/29/99:

There was a young lady named Bigger

Who said as she squeezed on the trigger,

"You son of a bitch

My cunt has the itch,

And in morte you may attain rigor."

1945

3/30/99:

There was a young man with a hernia

Who said to his surgeon, "Gol-dernya,

When carving my middle

Be sure you don't fiddle

With matters that do not concernya."

1870

3/31/99:

A fisherman off of Cape Cod

Said, "I'll bugger that tuna, by God!"

But the high-minded fish

Resented his wish,

And nimbly swam off with his rod.

1942