Limericks o' the Day
- There was a young man from the Coast
- Who had an affair with a ghost.
- At the height of orgasm
- Said the pallid phantasm.
- "I think I can feel it---almost!"
- There was a young man of Saint Kitts
- Who was very much troubled with fits.
- After chewing a gal's cunt
- He'd give a loud grunt
- And try to bite off her two tits.
- A young Nordic lass in Mombassa
- Demanded a piece of hot ass-a,
- But she flew in a rage
- And locked her cunt in a cage
- When they brought her King Haile Selassie.
- There was a young man named Zerubbabub
- Who belonged to the Block, Fuck & Bugger Club,
- But the pride of his life
- Were the tits of his wife---
- One real, and one India-rubber bub.
- A galactic patrolman from Venus
- Had a hyper-extensible penis.
- Of all forms of life
- Which he'd taken to wife
- He preferred a mere woman, from meanness.
- Mr. Galsworthy rented a suite
- In a building devoid of all heat.
- So he fucked for three months
- Sucked thirty-nine cunts,
- Which solved his problem quite neat.
- There was a young man from Toledo
- Who was cursed with excessive libido.
- To fuck and to screw,
- And to fornicate too,
- Were the three major points of his credo.
- "For the tenth time, dull Daphnis, " said Chloe,
- "You have told me my bosom is snowy;
- You have made much fine verse on
- Each part of my person,
- Now do something---there's a good boy!"
- Said the venerable Dean of St. Paul's
- "Concerning them cracks in the walls---
- Do you think it would do
- If we filled them with glue?"
- The Bishop of Lincoln said: "Balls!"
- A flatulent nun of Hawaii
- One Easter eve supped on papaya,
- Then honored the Passover
- By turning her ass over
- And obliging with Handel's Messiah.
- There was a young fellow named Blaine,
- And he screwed some disgusting old jane.
- She was ugly and smelly,
- With an awful pot-belly.
- But...well, they were caught in the rain.
- There died an old man of Moldavia,
- Well known for his bawdy behaviour.
- When the priest thought him shriven,
- And fitted for heaven,
- He cried, "Go and bugger the Saviour!"
- There was a young man from Racine
- Who invented a fucking machine.
- Concave or convex
- It would fit either sex,
- With attachments for those in between.
- There was an old abbess quite shocked
- To find nuns where the candles were locked.
- Said the abbess, "You nuns
- Should behave more like guns,
- And never go off till you're cocked."
- A caddy named Tommy the Tough
- Had an heiress way out in the rough.
- He said, "What a swell fuck!
- Now let's you and me suck---
- Or as you uppercrust say, 'Soixante-neuf'."
- One morning Mahatma Gandhi
- Had a hard-on, and it was a dandy.
- So he said to his aide,
- "Please bring me a maid,
- Or a goat, or whatever is handy."
- There was a young man of Belgravia
- Who cared neither for God nor his Saviour.
- He walked down the Strand
- With his prick in his hand
- And was jailed for indecent behavior.
- Minnehaha was washing her clothes,
- Unexpectant of sorrows or woes.
- A snake, a side-winder,
- Crawled in her behinder,
- Wiggled 'round and came out of her nose.
- There was a young man of Ostend
- Whose wife caught him fucking her friend.
- "It's no use, my duck,
- Interrupting our fuck,
- For I'm damned if I draw till I spend."
- There was a young fellow named Klotz
- Who went looking for tail in New Lots.
- Of tail he found nary
- A piece, but a fairy
- Suggested he try some ersatz.
- There was a young girlie named Hannah
- Who loved madly her lover's banana.
- She loved pubic hair
- And balls that were bare,
- And she jacked him off in her bandanna.
- There was a young man named Royal
- Whose ambition was to be a moyhel.
- He worked and he toiled
- But was finally foiled
- When he tried it out on a goil.
- There was a young soldier from Munich
- Whose penis hung down past his tunic,
- And their chops girls would lick,
- When they thought of his prick,
- But alas! he was only a eunuch.
- An embalmer in ancient Karnak
- Oozed it into a fresh corpse's crack.
- Rigor mortis set in
- And clamped off what had been
- His pride, nor did he get it back.
- The Mahatma on Mt. Himavat
- Opined as he diddled a cat:
- "She's a far better piece
- Than the Viceroy's niece,
- Who has also more fur on her prat."
- When he tried to inject his huge whanger
- A young man aroused his girl's anger.
- As they strove in the dark
- She was heard to remark,
- "What you need is a zeppelin hangar."
- There was an old man who said, "Tush!
- My balls always hang in the brush,
- And I fumble about,
- Half in and half out,
- With a pecker as limber as mush."
- There was young man of Balbriggan
- Who was fearfully given to frigging,
- Till these nocturnal frolics
- Played hell with his bollox,
- And killed the young man of Balbriggan
- There was a young man from Glenchasm
- Who had a tremendous orgasm.
- In the midst of his thralls
- He burst both his balls
- And covered an acre with plasm.
- There was a young lady named Dowd
- Whom a young fellow groped in the crowd.
- But the thing that most vexed her
- Was that when he stood next her
- He said, "How's your cunt?" right out loud.