7/1/99:

A hungry old trollop from Yemen

Did a pretty good business with he-men.

But she gave up all fucking

In favor of sucking,

For the protein contained in the semen.

1947

7/2/99:

A bored man in fair St. Domingo

Being blasé and worn, said, "By Jingo,

Blast all women and boys,

I'll try some new joys."

So he went out and fucked a Flamingo.

1880

7/3/99:

A prisoner in Chateau d'If

Ran around on all fours for a sniff

Of his comrade's posterior,

And said, "It's inferior,

But it somehow reminds me of quiff."

1942

7/4/99:

Said the gay Chatelaine of Shalott,

"I wish I had teeth in my twat.

For just think," said she,

"How nice it would be

To keep all the pricks that I got."

1941

7/5/99:

A notorious harlot named Hearst,

In the pleasures of men was well-versed.

Reads a sign o'er the head

Of her well-rumpled bed:

"THE CUSTOMER ALWAYS COMES FIRST."

Contributed by
Karl R.

7/6/99:

There was a cute quirp from Calcutta

Who was fond of churning love-butta,

One night she was heard mutta

That her quim was a-flutta

For the thing she called "Utterly-Utta!"

1943

7/7/99:

There were three young girls in St. Thomas,

Arrived at a dance in pajamas.

They got screwed by the drummer,

And this went on all summer---

I'm surprised that by now they ain't mamas.

1941

7/8/99:

There was a young fellow named Prynne

Whose prick was so short and so thin,

His wife found she needed

A Fuckoscope---she did---

To see if he'd gotten it in.

1941

7/9/99:

There once was a Swede in Minneapolis,

Discovered his sex life was hapless:

The more he would screw

The more he'd want to,

And he feared he would soon be quite sapless.

1946

7/10/99:

"Snyder's got a stiff ticket," said Kay.

"Come on, take it out, and let's play."

He pulled it on out,

But she started to pout,

His ticket was only a quarter-inch stout.

1943

7/11/99:

A practicing young gynecologist

Was a cunningly shrewd ideologist.

Thought he "Anesthesia

Will bring on amnesia

And the patient will never recall a tryst!"

Contributed by
Jimmy M.

7/12/99:

A randy young lad, name of Kelly

Once buggered a girl from New Delhi.

She had something furry,

That tasted like curry,

But it's neighbor was awfully smelly.

Contributed by
Jimmy M.

7/13/99:

A girl of refined femininity

Decided to lose her virginity.

Her man said, "My dear,

Now don't shed a tear,

It's the wrong hole, but in the vicinity."

Contributed by
Jimmy M.

7/14/99:

A dignified fellow named Cliff

Got into a terrible tiff

With his eager young wife

On their newlywed night

When only his manner proved stiff.

Contributed by
Mrs. R. Westbrook

7/15/99:

The Archbishop of Tipperary

Was frigging his young secretary.

To keep from succumbing

To premature coming

He repeatedly prayed the "Hail Mary".

Contributed by
Jimmy M.

7/16/99:

She was a young virginal bride

Until the groom slipped it inside.

He quickly pulled out

And said "Honey, look out!....

Well, I'm done, are you satisfied?"

Contributed by
Jimmy M.

7/17/99:
Part 1 of 2:

I wonder what my wife will want tonight;

Wonder if the wife will fuss and fight?

I wonder can she tell

That I've been raising hell;

Wonder if she'll know that I've been tight?

7/18/99:
Part 2 of 2:

My wife is just as nice as nice can be,

I hope she doesnt' feel too nice toward me,

For an afternoon of joy

Is hell on the old boy.

I wonder what the wife will want tonight!

1927

7/19/99:

Said a prominent lecherous Nazi,

"Our program may sound hotsy-totsy,

But a girl, when you diddle her,

Spreads her thighs with Heil Hitler!

And it all seems a little ersatzy."

1943

7/20/99:

There once was a wonderful wizard

Who had a fierce pain in his gizzard.

So he drank wind and snow

At forty below

And farted a forty mile blizzard.

Contributed by
Rebecca

7/21/99:

In the case of a lady named Frost,

Whose cunt's a good two feet acrost,

It's the best part of valor

To bugger the gal, or

You're apt to fall in and get lost.

1941

7/22/99:

There was a young lady from St. Paul

Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.

But when it caught fire,

It burned her entire

Front page, sporting section, and all.

Contributed by
James F.

7/23/99:

There was a gay Countess of Bray,

And you may think it odd when I say,

That in spite of high station,

Rank and education,

She always spelt cunt with a K.

1879

7/24/99:

There once was a fairy named Cyril

Who was had in a wood by a squirrel,

And he liked it so good

That he stayed in the wood

Just as long as the squirrel was virile.

1941

7/25/99:

There was a young man from Seattle

Whose testicles tended to rattle.

He said as he fuckéd

Some stones in a bucket,

"If Stravinsky won't deafen you---that'll."

1939

7/26/99:

There once was a Spanish nobilio

Who lived in a spanish castilio,

His cojones grew hot

Much more often than not,

At the thought of a Spanish Jazzilio.

1941

7/27/99:

There was a young lady of Glasgow,

And fondly her lover did ask, "Oh,

Pray allow me a fuck,"

But she said, "No, my duck,

But you may, if you please, up my arse go."

1879

7/28/99:

There once was an Anglican pastor

Whose maid didn't let much get past her.

She said, "When you muff-dive on

The living room divan,

Please use an anti-macassar."

1948

7/29/99:

A frugal young fellow named Wise

Gets the most from the dead whores he buys.

After sporting a while

As a gay necrophile,

For dessert he has maggot surprise.

1952

7/30/99:

Down in Rome, Washburn Child,

A lecherous fellow and wild---

Like his buddy, King Vic,

He likes thrusting his prick

Into twats hitherto undefiled.

1923

7/31/99:

Lord Randall, on top of his tart,

Let a horrible, fizzling fart.

Said the tart, "Now, m'lord,

I'm taking your word

You did not follow through on the spot."

19