1/1/99:

There was an old man of Shamokin,

Fucked his wife with his wooden leg oaken.

So quick did he stick her,

Pretending to prick her,

That he soon had her cunt all a-smokin'.

1952

1/2/99:

There once was a Bishop from Puno,

Who said, "There is one thing I do know,

Little girls are all right,

Little boys are too tight,

But the Llama is Numero Uno!".

Contributed by
T. King

1/3/99:

A lecherous priest from Peru

Fucked the deacon's wife in a pew.

"I'll admit I'm not pious,"

He said, "I've a bias---

I think it diviner to screw."

1952

1/4/99:

There was a young fellow named Bill

Who took an atomic pill.

His navel corroded,

His asshole exploded,

And they found his nuts in Brazil.

1948

1/5/99:

A maiden who dwells in Galena

Has boobies of graceful demeanor,

And whenever she preens

These astounding poitrines,

She insists upon Simoniz Kleener.

1938

1/6/99:

Of his face, she thought not very much,

But then, at the very first touch,

Her attitude shifted---

He was terribly gifted

At frigging and fucking and such.

1948

1/7/99:

I got this from the fellow what own it:

He declared that he boasted one mo' nut

Than most people sport,

But was terribly short

In the part you might stick through a doughnut.

1948

1/8/99:

Cleopatra, while helping to pump,

Ground out such a furious bump

That Antony's dick

Snapped off like a stick,

And left him to pump with a stump.

1952

1/9/99:

There was a young lady named Alice

Whose ass was as big as a palace.

Her dresses were tight

And she made quite a sight

To quicken the pulse of the callous.

1944

1/10/99:

A canny Scotch lass named McFargle,

Without coaxing and such argy-bargle,

Would suck a man's pud

Just as hard as she could,

And she saved up the sperm for a gargle.

1941

1/11/99:

Said a printer pretending to wit:

"There are certain bad words we omit.

It would sully our art

To print the word f - - -,

And we never, oh never, say sh - -!"

1940

1/12/99:

A beautiful belle of Del Norte

Is reckoned disdainful and haughrty

Because during the day

She says: "Boys, keep away!"

But she fucks in the gloaming like forty.

1946

1/13/99:

On a bridge sat the Bishop of Buckingham

Thinking of twats and of sucking 'em,

And watching the stunts

Of the cunts in the punts,

And the tricks of the pricks that were fucking 'em.

1941

1/14/99:

There was a young man in Schenectady,

And he found it quite hard to erect, said he,

Till he took an injection

For deficient erection,

Which in just the desired way effected he!

1942

1/15/99:

Said a snuff-taking Turk, "Why, with ease

I can stifle the noisiest sneeze."

But at prayers one day

His asshole gave way,

And the shit filled his drawers to the knees.

1952

1/16/99:

There once was a girl from South Philly

Who quit Greenpeace cause she thought it was silly.

I said, " Don't worry, Gail,

If you still want to pet a whale,

Just undo my zipper and free willy!"

Contributed by
Mike K.

1/17/99:

Now hear this fair lass from Rhode Isle

Who said with a wink and a smile,

"Sure, please stick it in,

Be it thick, be it thin,

But if's rough I won't do as a file."

1952

1/18/99:

There was a young lady of Maience

Who bade Adolf Hitler defiance.

She'd lurk in dark halls

And nip at his balls

With a patent-applied-for appliance.

1943

1/19/99:

There was a young lady of Wohl's Hill

Who sat herself down on a mole's hill.

The resident mole

Stuck his head up her hole---

The lady's all right, but the mole's ill.

1951

1/20/99:

There was a young pansy named Gene

Who cruised a sadistic Marine.

Said the man with a smirk

As they got down to work,

"In this game the Jack beats the Queen."

1943

1/21/99:

"I'll admit," said a lady named Starr,

"That a phallus is like a cigar;

But to most common people

A phallic church-steeple

Is streching the matter too far."

1946

1/22/99:

There once was a Duchess of Bruges

Whose cunt was incredibly huge.

Said the King to this dame

As he thunderously came:

"Mon Dieu! Aprés moi, le déluge!"

1941

1/23/99:

There was a young lady named Hicks

Spent all her time thinking of pricks,

And it was her odd whim

To tickle her quim

Till it foamed like a bottle of Dicks.

1941

1/24/99:

There is a young girl from Poughkeepsie,

Known through the town as a gypsy.

If she has not a drink,

She gives ne'er a wink,

But, man, she puts out when she's tipsy!

Contributed by
C. Robbins

1/25/99:

There was a young bride of Antigua

Whose husband said, "Dear me, how big you are!"

Said the girl, "What damn'd rot!

Why, you've often felt my twot,

My legs and my arse and my figua!"

1880

1/26/99:

There was a young girl called Felicity,

With a cunt of a great elasticity.

Her capable quim

Could take both thick and thin

A marvellous feat of duplicity.

Contributed by
David B.

1/27/99:

There was a young girl of Cah'lina,

Had a very capricious vagina:

To the shock of the fucker

'Twould suddenly pucker,

And whistle the chorus of "Dinah."

1941

1/28/99:

There was a young man of Oswego,

Whose friends said, "Be off now, to sea go."

He there learned the trick

Of skinning his prick,

And up arses thrusting his pego.

1870

1/29/99:

There was an old lady of Kewry

Whose cunt was a lusus natura:

The introitus vagina

Was unnaturally tiny,

And the thought of it filled her with fury.

1941

1/30/99:
Part 1 of 2:

Said a doleful young man with a stutter,

"M-my wife don't allow me to butt her.

It's-ts-ts-'tsall right,

B-b-but, but some night

I'll t-tie down the bitch, and g-gut her!"

1/31/99:
Part 2 of 2:

A less violent chap with a stammer

Said, "M-mine too---she won't let me ram her.

What's s-soured me on life

Is not f-fucking my wife,

D-d-d-d-d-d-dammer!"

1941