2/1/99:

A coprophagous fellow named Fleam

Loved to drink a strong urinal stream.

He seduced little gonsils

Into spraying his tonsils

With the stuff he liked best on earth: cream.

1942

2/2/99:

There was a young man from the coast

Who ate melted shit on his toast.

When the toast saw the shit

It collapsed in a fit,

For the shit was its grandfather's ghost.

1934

2/3/99:

A noble young lord named Bellasis

Was a sad case of satyriasis,

Till help psychiatric

Brought the fucking fanatic

To a state of sexual stasis.

1947

2/4/99:

Have you heard about Magda Lupescu,

Who came to Rumania's rescue?

It's a wonderful thing

To be under a king---

Is deomcacy better, I esk you?

1941

2/5/99:

A harlot of note named Le Dux

Would always charge seventy bucks.

But for that she would suck you,

And wink-off and fuck you---

The whole thing was simply deluxe!

1941

2/6/99:

There was a young man from Havana

Who continually played the "piana."

'Til one day his finger slipped,

And his fly it ripped,

And out slipped a hairy banana.

1950

2/7/99:

There was a young man from Calcutta

Who was heard in his beard to mutter,

"If her Bartholin glands

Don't respond to my hands,

I'm afraid I shall have to use butter."

1947

2/8/99:

There was a young tinker of Turkey

Whose rhythm at diddling was jerky.

At six-eight and four-four

He was good, and no more,

But he really was great at mazurky.

1941

2/9/99:

There was an old phoney named Kinsey

Whose ideas of fucking were flimsy.

He knew how to measure

A penis for pleasure,

But he came much too quick in a quim, see?

1952

2/10/99:

A native of Havre de Grace

Once tired of Cunt, said, "I'll try arse."

He unfolded his plan

To another young man,

Who said, "Most decidedly, my arse!":

1879

2/11/99:

A fetishist whore from Deluth

Who rode upon noses (uncouth!),

Met up with a bloke, ya know,

Whose name was Pinnochio,

But she hates it when he tells the truth.

Contributed by
Patrick M.

2/12/99:

There was a young girl from Edina,

Shoved avians up her vagina.

As much as she pleased,

'Til one day, she sneezed---

Out popped three toucans and a minah!

Contributed by
Patrick M.

2/13/99:

There was an old fellow named Skinner

Whose prick, his wife said, had grown thinner.

But still, by and large,

It would always discharge

Once he could just get it in her.

1941

2/14/99:

Ms. Noonan, of the Isle of White,

Her son, Mornin, clever and bright,

For his manner, pristine,

He was dubbed by the queen.

Now he's Mornin Noonan Knight

Contributed by Patrick M.

2/15/99:

A reckless young lady of France

Had no qualms about taking a chance,

But she thought it was crude

To get screwed in the nude,

So she always went home with damp pants.

1941

2/16/99:

There was an old man of Boolongg

Who frightened the birds with his song.

It wasn't the words

That frightened the birds

But the horrible dooble ong-tong.

1924

2/17/99:

The bride went up the aisle

In traditional virginal style,

But they say she was nary

An innocent cherry,

But a whore from the banks of the Nile.

1948

2/18/99:

There was a young lady from Kincaid

Who covered it up with a band-aid.

The boyfriend said, "Shit,

I can't find the slit!"

And helped himself out with a hand-aid.

1948

2/19/99:

From the depths of the crypt of St Giles

Came a scream that echoed for miles.

Said the Vicar, "Good Gracious,

Has father Ignacious

Forgotten the Bishop has piles?"

Contributed by
Adam C.

2/20/99:

There was a young lady named Hatch

Who doted on music by Bach.

She played with her pussy

To "The Faun" by Debussy,

But to ragtime she just scratched her snatch.

1943

2/21/99:

A priest from the Isle of Choiseul

Was inordinately proud of his tool,

So this clerical stallion

Bred a labor battalion

To build him a chapel and schule.

1944

2/22/99:

There was a young man from East Wubley

Whose cock was bifurcated doubly.

Each quadruplicate shaft

Had two balls hanging aft,

And the general effect was quite lovely.

1947

2/23/99:

There was a young idler named Blood,

Made a fortune performing at stud,

With a fifteen-inch peter,

A double-beat meter,

And a load like the Biblical Flood.

1941

2/24/99:

A certain old harpy from Umsk

Who was wholly unable to cumsk

Would ecstatically shout

When a samovar's spout

Was shoved up her Muscovite rumpsk.

1945

2/25/99:

"There once was a man from Turkey

Who acted and spoke quite quirky.

He'd drink Absolut

And spread out his loot

'Cause he loved girls young and perky!"

Contributed by
Karyn S.

2/26/99:

There once was a gangster named Brown,

The wiliest bastard in town.

He was caught by the G-men

Shooting his semen

Where the cops would all slip and fall down.

1938

2/27/99:

There's a sensitive man in Tom's River

Whom Minsky's causes to quiver.

The aesthetic vibration

Brings soulful elation,

And also in good for the liver.

1946

2/28/99:

While I, with my usual enthusiasm,

Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,

She explained, "They are flat,

But think nothing of that---

You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."

1943