3/1/98:

There was a composer so swell

Who thought screwing to music was hell.

Everything went fine

Till he got out of time---

"Say, this isn't Bach, it's Ravel!"

1942

3/2/98:

There was a young student of Oriel

Who flouted the ruling proctorial.

He ran down the Corn

With a hell of a horn,

And buggered the Martyrs' Memorial.

1941

3/3/98:

As the lady took hold of his cock

It resembled the texture of rock.

She started with sucking,

To prep for the fucking

She'd get when his boat reached the dock.

Contributed by
Anonymous

3/4/98:

It was on the 7th of December

That Franklin D. took out his member.

He said, like the bard,

"It will be long and very hard,

Pearl Harbor has given me something to remember."

1942

3/5/98:

There was a young lady named Alice

Who purchased a hard-rubber phallus.

Since she learned its perfections

She shuns doctors' inspections---

It is such an odd place for a callus.

1944

3/6/98:

There once was a girl from Spokane

Went to bed with a one-legged man.

She said, "I know you---

You've really got two!

Why didn't you say so when we began?"

1942

3/7/98:

There was a queer fellow named Rice

Whose sex life was colder than ice,

But a kindly relation

Restored his sensation

By covering his penis with lice.

1941

3/8/98:

Consider the case of Charles the Insane

Who had a large cock and a very small brain.

While fucking his sister

He raised a large blister

On the tip of his whip and her pubic terrain.

1945

3/9/98:

A tea-swilling bookman, Magee,

When he has distant clients to see,

Always travels by plane

And if pressed to explain

Says, "I dote on TWA tea."

1945

3/10/98:

There was a young man of Coblenz

The size of whose balls was immense.

One day, playing soccer,

He sprung his left knocker,

And kicked it right over the fence.

1941

3/11/98:

A fanatic gun-lover named Crust

Was perverse to the point of disgust.

His idea of a peach

Had a sixteen-inch breech,

And a pearl-handled 44 bust.

1944

3/12/98:

A gun-shy recruit from Visalia

Was an absolute infantry failure.

But he wasn't so dumb

When it came to a come,

And he knew how to use genitalia.

1942

3/13/98:

There was a young female named Ware

Who cut off her pubical hair.

Then to save the men trouble

She razored the stubble,

But none of them really did care.

1941

3/14/98:

There was a gay Countess of Dufferin,

One night while her husband was covering,

Jest to chaff him a bit

She said, "You old shit,

I can buy a dildo for a sovereign."

1870

3/15/98:

There was in Connecticut once

A chap who went strongly for runts.

Midget parts he collected

Were all hand-selected

And framed, within miniature cunts.

1952

3/16/98:

There was a young fellow named Chubb

Who joined a smart buggery club,

But his parts were so small

He was no good at all,

And they promptly refunded his stub.

1951

3/17/98:

There once were a couple of queers

Who loved going on basketeers.

One preferred, you may guess,

The right, to left-dress,

But for hangs-in-the-middle---just jeers.

1942

3/18/98:

There was a young man of Lahore

Whose prick was one inch and no more.

It was all right for key-holes

And little girls' pee-holes,

But not worth a damn with a whore.

1927

3/19/98:

An Eskimo living near Nome

Erected a sign by his home:

He hung on his totem

A jock and a scrotum,

In the hair was a walrus-tusk comb.

1942

3/20/98:

There's always some one around

Who'd object if I rifted with sound.

But out in the park,

At least after dark,

I can make the welkin resound.

1951

3/21/98:

A reformer who went out to Bali

To change the sartotial folly

Of the girls now admits,

"A pair of good tits

In season can seem rather jolly."

1942

3/22/98:

Have you heard about Molly O'Day

Who always had the time (so they say):

She opened her crotch

And pulled out a watch,

Which usually made the boys gay.

1942

3/23/98:

There was a young fellow, McBride,

Who preferred his trade long, thick, and wide.

But he never rejected

Anything that erected,

For "Peter is peter", he sighed.

1952

3/24/98:

Unique is a strumpet of Mazur

In the way that her clientele pays her:

A machine that she uses

Clamps on to her whoosis,

And clocks everybody that lays her.

1941

3/25/98:

There was a young cad name of Snyder

Who took out a girl just to ride her.

She allowed him to feel

From her neck to her heel,

But never would let him inside her.

1943

3/26/98:

There was a young lady of Harrow

Who complained that her cunt was too narrow,

For times without number

She would use a cucumber,

But could not accomplish a marrow.

1879

3/27/98:

There once was a man name of Dwight

The length of his dong was a fright.

He once had a whore

Who stood 3 foot 4,

And now the girl's tonsils are white.

Contributed by
Patrick Manley

3/28/98:

A talented fuckstress, Miss Chisholm,

Was renowned for her fine paroxysm.

While the man detumesced

She still spent on with zest,

Her rapture sheer anachronism.

1941

3/29/98:

There was an old fellow named Fletcher,

A lewd and perverted old lecher.

In a spirit of meanness

He cut off his penis,

And now he regrets it, I betcha.

1941

3/30/98:

There once was an actress of Bonely,

And the men never let her be lonely.

So she hung out in front

Of her popular cunt

A sign reading: "Standing Room Only."

1941

3/31/98:

I dined with the Duchess of Dyches,

Who said, "God! how my bottom-hole itches!"

So she passed around switches

And took down her britches,

And soon her dinner-guests had her in stitches.

1944