7/1/98:

There was an old fellow named Rapp

Who had a job all considered a snap.

In the insane asylum

He'd grade cunts and file 'em,

And bi-weekly he'd rub up their nap.

1944

7/2/98:

A young Juliet of St. Louis

On a balcony stood, acting screwy.

Her Romeo climbed,

But he wasn't well timed,

And half-way up, off he went---blooey!

1927

7/3/98:

There was a young girl from nace

Whose corset just would not lace.

Her mother said, "Nellie,

There's more in your belly

Than ever went in through your face."

Contributed by
Billy M.

7/4/98:

There once was wee lad called Marvin

Who thought his big dick was for carvin'

He tried to cut slices

Of "Turkey with spices"

And left all his dining guests starvin'.

Contributed by
Pablo Z.

7/5/98:

There was a young lady from Slough

Who said that she didn't know how.

Then a young fellow caught her

And jolly well taught her;

She lodges in Pimlico now.

1928

7/6/98:

There was a young man from Venice

Who played a good game of lawn tennis.

But the game he liked best,

Far more than the rest,

Was played with two balls and a pennis.

1945

7/7/98:

A star-gazing fellow named Flipper

Had a girl try to open his zipper.

As he stared at Orion,

The young girl was cryin'

As she found it was NOT a Big Dipper.

Contributed by
Patrick M.

7/8/98:

A shapely young lady name Jenna

Colored her pubics with henna.

On a beach she was crude

And sunbathed in the nude.

She was promptly invited to dinnah.

Contributed by
Anonymous

7/9/98:

There was a young person of Kent

Who was famous wherever he went.

All the way through a fuck

He would quack like a duck,

And he crowed like a cock when he spent.

1951

7/10/98:

There once was a geologist named Wassal,

Who one day found a colossal fossil.

He could tell by the bend,

And the knob at the end,

That it was the peter of Paul, the apostile.

Contributed by
Robin S.

7/11/98:

A depraved old Jew from Estretto

Buggered every young man in the ghetto.

He once had his hose in

A musician, composing,

Who said: "Not so slow---allegretto!"

1946

7/12/98:

There was an old maid in Van Nuys

Who went crazy from making mud pies.

She would fill them with farts

And pickled beef-hearts,

And bake them between her fierce thighs.

1942

7/13/98:

On his honeymoon sailing the ocean

A tightwad displayed much emotion

When he learned, one fine day,

He'd been fucking away

What could have been bottled as lotion.

1948

7/14/98:

A prudish young damsel named Rose

Is particular how men propose.

To "Let's have intercourse,"

She says gaily, "Of course,"

But to "Let's fuck," she turns up her nose,

1942

7/15/98:

There was a young girl named Dalrymple

Whose sexual needs were so simple.

She enjoyed the full spasm

Of a perfect orgasm

By frigging herself on a pimple.

1944

7/16/98:

Said a lesbian lady, "It's sad;

Of all of the girls that I've had,

None gave me the thrill

Of real rapture until

I learned how to be a tribade."

1952

7/17/98:

There once was a fellow named Siegel

Who attempted to bugger a beagle,

But the mettlesome bitch

Turned and said with a twitch,

"It's fun, but you know it's illegal."

1943

7/18/98:

In the quaint English village of Worcester

Lived a little red hen and a rooster.

A coquettish glance

She acquired in Framce

Gave him ants in his pants, and he goosed her.

1944

7/19/98:

There was a young man from Darjeeling

Whose dong reached up to the ceiling.

In the electric light socket

He'd put it and rock it---

Oh God! What a wonderful feeling!

1946

7/20/98:

A widow who lived in Rangoon

Hung a black-ribboned wreath on her womb,

"To remind me," she said,

"Of my husband who's dead,

And of what put him into his tomb."

1941

7/21/98:

There was a young fellow named Gluck

Who found himself shit out of luck.

Though he petted and wooed,

When he tried to get screwed

He found virgins just don't give a fuck.

1941

7/22/98:

There was a young man named McNamiter

With a tool of prodigious diameter.

But it wasn't the size

Gave the girls a surprise,

But his rhythm---iambic pentameter.

1946

7/23/98:

The Communist Party's Earl Browder

Was fucking a girl in a howda.

The elephant's trunk

Somehow got in her cunt

Which, they felt, made it terribly crowded.

1948

7/24/98:

There was an old man of Kentucky,

Said to his old woman,"Oi'll fuck ye."

She replied, "Now you wunt

Come anigh my old cunt,

For your prick is all stinking and mucky,"

1870

7/25/98:

The young things who frequent picture palaces

Have no use for this psycho-analysis.

And although Doctor Freud

Is distinctly annoyed

They cling to their old-fashioned fallacies.

1927

7/26/98:

There was a young lady called Tucker,

And the parson he tried hard to fuck her.

She said, "You gay sinner,

Instead of your dinner,

At my cunt you shall have a good suck,ah."

1870

7/27/98:

There once was a man named Enus

Who had a 50 foot penis.

It dragged on the ground,

And made a bad sound,

And when stiff it reached up to Venus

Contributed by
Bill H.

7/28/98:

A girl who lived in Kentucky

Said, "Yes, I've been awfully lucky.

No man ever yet

On my back made me get,

But sometimes I feel awful fucky."

1927

7/29/98:

There was a young virgin named Alice

Who thought of her cunt as a chalice.

One night, sleeping nude,

She awoke feeling lewd,

And found in her chalice a phallus.

1941

7/30/98:

A glutted debauchee from Frome

Lured beauteous maids to his room,

Where, after he'd strip 'em,

He'd generally whip 'em

With a bundle of twigs or a broom.

1945

7/31/98:

Antoinette was a beautiful whore

Who wore fifty-six beads---nothing more.

They sneered, "Unrefined!"

When she wore them behind,

So she tactfully wore them before.

1941