Limericks o' the Day
- There was a young fellow named Price
- Who dabbled in all sorts of vice.
- He had virgins and boys
- And mechanical toys,
- And on Mondays... he meddled with mice!
- A certain young lady named Rowell
- Had a musical bent to her bowel.
- With a good plate of beans
- Tucked under her jeans
- She could play To a Wild Rose by MacDowell.
- A lecherous fellow named Babbitt
- Asked a girl if she'd fuck or would nab it.
- Said she, "From long habit
- I fuck like a rabbit,
- So I'd rather cohabit than grab it."
- There were three ladies of Huxham,
- And whenever we meets 'em we fucks 'em,
- And when that game grows stale
- We sits on a rail,
- And pulls out our pricks and they sucks 'em.
- There was an old sheik named Al Hassid
- Whose tool had become very placid.
- Before each injection
- To get an erection
- He had to immerse it in acid.
- A certain young person of Ghent,
- Uncertain if lady or gent,
- Shows his organs at large
- For a small handling charge
- To assist him in paying the rent.
- There was a young genius in Texas
- Who could flex his own solar plexus.
- It made his ding bounce,
- And he caught every ounce
- Of his magical spraying of sexus.
- Said a girl being had in a shanty,
- "My dear, you have got it in slanty."
- He replied, "I can use
- Any angle I choose.
- I ride as I please---I'm Duranty!"
- There was a young girl of La Plata
- Who was widely renowned as a farter.
- Her deafening reports
- At the Argentine sports
- Made her much in demand as a starter.
- There was a young girl named Maxine
- Who found a new use for the bean.
- As a vaginal bearing
- She found it long-wearing,
- And it varied her fucking routine.
- A Plumber whose name was Ten Brink
- Plumbed the cook as she bent o'er the sink.
- Her resistance was stout,
- And Ten Brink petered out
- With his pipe-wrench all limber and pink.
- A king sadly said to his queen,
- "In parts you have grown far from lean."
- "I don't give a damn,
- You've always liked ham,"
- She replied, and he gasped, "How obscene!"
- There was a young man of St. Paul's
- Possessed the most useless of balls.
- Till at last, at The Strand,
- He managed a stand,
- And tossed himself off in the stalls.
- There once was a fellow named Trete
- Who from birth was inclined to be neat.
- He became extra fussy
- When he thought his pants mussy,
- And would throw them away in the street.
- There was a young lady from Munich
- Who was had in a park by a eunuch.
- In a moment of passion
- He shot her a ration
- From a squirt-gun concealed 'neath his tunic.
- "At a seance," said a young man named Post,
- "I was being sucked off by a ghost;
- Someone switched on the lights
- And there in guaze tights,
- On his knees, was Tobias mine host."
- There was an old lady who lay
- With her legs wide apart in the hay,
- Then calling the ploughman,
- She said, "Do it now, man!
- Don't wait till your hair has turned gray."
- There was a young man of Soho
- Whose tastes were exceedingly low.
- He said to his mother,
- "Let us suck one another,
- And swallow the seminal flow."
- An opera singer named Black
- Would fuck anything with a crack:
- Sidewalks and board fences,
- Young goats and cheese blintzes,
- And the cheekiest man in his claque.
- There's a man in the Bible portrayed
- As one deeply engrossed in his trade.
- He became quite elated
- Over things he created,
- Especially the women he made.
- The Book of God's beneath you,
- The Man of God's above you.
- Salvation pole
- Is in your hole---
- Now wiggle your ass to save your soul.
- 'Tis polite I thought I'd be,
- When visiting this site, y'see,
- Sat down for some fun
- But that tingle near me bum
- Tells me I must get up and go pee
- There once was a man of Sag Harbor
- Who used to go with a fag barber.
- He gave some auditions
- In many positions,
- And now he plays flute with Jan Garber.
- There was a young fellow from Lees
- Who handled his tool with great ease.
- This continual friction
- Made his sex a mere fiction,
- But the callus hangs down to his knees.
- There once was a lady named Hix
- Who was fond of sucking big pricks.
- One fellow she took
- Was a doctor named Snook,
- Now he's in a hell of a fix.
- "Remind me, dear," said Sir John Keith,
- "As soon as I've finished my teeth,
- To take down this glass
- And examine my ass
- From behind---and of course from beneath."
- The bishop of Winchester Junction
- Found his phallus would no longer function.
- So in black crepe he wound it,
- Tied a lily around it,
- And solemnly gave it last unction.
- The sex of the asteroid vermin
- Is exceedingly hard to determine.
- The galactic patrol
- Simply fucks any hole
- That will possibly let all the sperm in.
- An earnest young woman in Thrace
- Said, "Darling, that's not the right place!"
- So he gave her a thwack,
- And did on her back
- What he couldn't have done face to face.
- The nephew of one of the czars
- Used to suck off Rasputin at Yars,
- Till the peasants revolted,
- The royal family bolted---
- Now they're under the sickle and stars.