Limericks o' the Day
- There was a young fellow in Buckingham.
- Wrote a treatise on cunts and on sucking them,
- But later this work
- Was eclipsed by a Turk
- Whose topic was ass-holes and fucking them.
- There was a young lady from Waste
- Who fled from a man in some haste.
- She tripped as she ran,
- And fell flat on her pan---
- She sometimes still dreams that she's chaste.
- There was a young squaw of Wohunt
- Who possessed a collapsible cunt.
- It had many odd uses,
- Produced no papooses,
- And fitted both giant and runt.
- There was a young sapphic named Anna
- Who stuffed her friend's cunt with banana,
- Which she sucked bit by bit
- From her partner's warm slit,
- In the most approved lesbian manner.
- There was a young man of Dumfries
- Who said to his girl,"If you please,
- It would give me great bliss
- If, while playing with this,
- You would pay some attention to these!"
- There was a young girl of Bavaria
- Who thought her disease ws malaria.
- But the family doc
- Remarked to her shock,
- "It is in the mercurial area."
- There was a young girl from Odessa,
- A rather unblushing transgressor.
- When sent to the priest
- The lewd little beast
- Began to undress her confessor.
- There was a young lady of Norway
- Who hung by her heels in the doorway.
- She said to her beau,
- "Hey, look at me, Joe,
- I think I've discovered one more way."
- There was a young woman in Dee
- Who stayed with each man she did see.
- When it came to a test
- She wished to be best,
- And practice makes perfect, you see.
- A sempstress at Epping-on-Tyne
- Used to peddle her tail down the line.
- She first got a crown,
- But her prices went down---
- Now she'll fit you for ten pence or nine.
- A proper young person named Gissing
- Announced he had given up kissing.
- "I strike out at once
- For something that counts,
- And besides my girl's front teeth are missing."
- The parish commission at Roylette
- Bought their vicar a pristine new toilet.
- But he still voids his bowels
- On a heap of old towels,
- He's so very reluctant to soil it.
- There was an old sculptor named Phidias
- Whose knowledge of art was invidious.
- He carved Aphrodite
- Without any nightie---
- Which startled the purely fastidious.
- There was a young man of Madras
- Who was having a boy in the grass.
- Then a cobra-capello
- Said, "Hello, young fellow!"
- And bit a piece out of his ass.
- A nudist girl wearing three raisins
- A masquerade prize was her goal.
- The judges said, "Lookie,
- From the front she's a cookie,
- And the back she's a Parker House roll.
- There was a young rascal named James,
- Who liked to play terrible games,
- He lit up the front
- Of his Grandmother's cunt
- And laughed as she pissed through the flames!
- There was a young girl named Dalrymple
- Whose sexual equipment was so simple
- That on examination they found
- Little more than a mound
- In the center of which was a dimple.
- There was a young fellow named Goff
- Whose amusement was jacking it off
- He pulled it so hard
- It stretched out a yard.
- And turned to bright blue and fell off.
- There was an old gent from Kentuck
- Who boasted a filigreed schmuck,
- But he put it away
- For fear that one day
- He might put it in and get stuck.
- A lacklustre lady of Brougham
- Weaveth all night at her loom.
- Anon she doth blench
- When her lord and his wench
- Pull a chain in the neighboring room.
- There was a young man of Newminster Court
- Bugger'd a pig, but his prick was too short.
- Said the hog, "It's not nice,
- But pray take my advice:
- Make tracks, or by the police you'll be caught."
- There was a young man named O'Malley
- Who was fucking his gal in the alley,
- When right at the start
- Whe let a small fart,
- Said O'Malley to Sally, "Now r'ally!"
- There was a young lady named Sue
- Who preferred a stiff drink to a screw.
- But one leads to the other,
- And now she's a mother---
- Let this be a lesson to you.
- A wonderful fish is the flea,
- He bores and he bites on me.
- I would love, indeed,
- To watch him feed,
- But he bites me where I cannot see.
- There was a young fellow from Eno
- Who said to his girl, "Now, old Beano,
- Lift your skirt up in front,
- And enlarge your old cunt,
- For the size of this organ is keen-o."
- There was a young fellow of Kent
- Whose prick was so long it was bent,
- So to save himself trouble
- He put it in double,
- And instead of coming he went.
- There was a young lady named Shriver
- Who was screwed in the ass by the driver,
- And when she complained
- He said, "Sorry you were pained,"
- And gave her a fiver to bribe her.
- A nymphomaniacal nurse
- With a curse that was worse than perverse
- Stuck a rotary drill
- Up her twat, for a thrill---
- And they carted her off in a hearse.