12/1/98:

A daring young maid from Dubuque

Risked a rather decided rebuke

By receiving a prude

In the absolute nude,

But he gasped, "If you only could cook!"

1948

12/2/98:

The was a young lady with worts

In the most private of places, of course.

She went to the doctor

Who said he would shock her,

But voltage would not be the source.

Contributed by
Jason R.

12/3/98:

There was a young man from Nantucket

Took a pig in a thicket to fuck it.

Said the pig, "Oh, I'm queer,

Get away from my rear. . .

Come around to the front and I'll suck it."

1941

12/4/98:

I never have had Miss Defauw,

But it wouldn't have been quite so raw

If she'd only said "No"

When I wanted her so;

But she didn't---she laughed and said "Naw!"

1941

12/5/98:

There was a young lady of France

Who went to the Palace to dance.

She danced with a Turk

Till he got in his dirk,

And now she can't button her pants.

1941

12/6/98:

An innocent maiden of Clewer

Incited her boyfriend to screw her.

She tried to say no,

A half-second slow---

Now when she sits down she says, "Oo-er!"

1952

12/7/98:

There was a Hell's Kitchen Y.T.

Who said to two boyfriends, "Aw, gee,

I don't think that coitus

Could possibly hoit us!"

So they did it together, all three.

1943

12/8/98:

There was a young fellow named Morgan

Who possessed an unusual organ:

The end of his dong,

Which was nine inches long,

Was tipped with the head of a gorgon.

1943

12/9/98:

There was a young lady named Psyche

In bed with a fellow named Ike.

Said he, "Now don't worry,

Or hurry or flurry,

But that ain't my prick---it's a spike."

1941

12/10/98:
Part 1 of 2:

There was a young fellow of Greenwich

Whose balls were all covered with spinach.

He had such a tool

It was wound on a spool,

And he reeled it out inich by inich.

12/11/98:
Part 2 of 2:

But this tale has an unhappy finich,

For due to the sand in the spinach

His ballocks grew rough

And wrecked his wife's muff,

And scratched up her thatch in the scrimmage.

1927

12/12/98:
Part 1 of 3:

Two anglers were fishing off Wight

And his bobber was dipping all night.

Murmured she, with a laugh,

"It is ready to gaff,

But don't break your rod, which is light."

12/13/98:
Part 2 of 3:

A couple was fishing near Clombe

When the maid began looking quite glum,

And said, "Bother the fish!

I'd rather coish!"

Which they did---which was why they had come.

12/14/98:
Part 3 of 3:

As two consular clerks in Madras

Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,

"What a marvelous pole,"

Said she, "but control

Your sinkers---they're banging my ass."

1942

12/15/98:

Your limericks unclean are a riot.

If this page were for sale, I might buy-et.

But, to my real duress,

I'm afraid I can't guess

What my wife might say if she should spy-et.

Contributed by K. Swift

12/16/98:

The swaggering hips of a jade

Raised the cock of a clerical blade.

Hell-bent for his fun

He went home on the run,

And diddled his grandmother's maid.

1941

12/17/98:

There was a young girl of Oak Knoll

Who thought it exceedingly droll,

At a masquerade ball

Dressed in nothing at all

To back in as a Parker House roll.

1940

12/18/98:

There was a young caveman named Ug

Who stuck his plug in a jug.

Said Ug with a shrug

As he gave it a tug,

"Now ain't this a hell of a fug!"

1944

12/19/98:

Coo'd a twittering Tilly Terwoo,

"You're so cute, Sir, we just have to screw.

When you smile, I get wet

and all gooey, you bet.

And my hole gets as hot as a flue!"

Contributed by
K. Swift

12/20/98:

There was a young girl of Asturias

With a penchant for practices curious.

She loved to bat rocks

With her gentlemen's cocks---

A practice both rude and injurious.

1941

12/21/98:

There is an old fellow named Brougham

Who reminds me of someone---but whom?

If only I knew

I'd get both the two

Together some night, and I'd' screw'm.

1952

12/22/98:

A lady, by passion deluded,

Found an Afircan drunk and denuded,

And---fit as a fiddle,

And hot for a diddle---

She tied splints to his penis and screwed it.

1941

12/23/98:

There was a young girl of Cape Cod

Who dreamt she'd been buggered by God.

But it wasn't Jehovah

That turned the girl over,

'Twas Roger the lodger, the dirty old codger,

The bugger, the bastard, the sod!

1938

12/24/98:

There was a young lady of Rhyll

In an omnibus was taken ill,

So she called the conductor

Who got in and fucked her,

Which did her more good than a pill.

1870

12/25/98:

A worn-out young husband named Lehr

Heard daily his wife's plaintive prayer:

"Slip on a sheath, quick,

Then slip your big dick

Between these lips covered with hair."

1945

12/26/98:

In Stokes lived an ugly bluestocking

Who declared the men's manners were shocking.

Why, she'd never been diddled,

Even fingered or fiddled. . .

So she finally moved over to Focking.

1942

12/27/98:

Said a dainty young whore named Miss Meggs,

"The men like to spread my two legs,

Then slip in between,

If you know what I mean,

And leave me the white of their eggs."

1943

12/28/98:

There was a young man named Pete

Who was a bit indiscreet.

He pulled on his dong

Till it grew very long

And actually dragged in the street.

1939

12/29/98:

A finicky young whippersnapper

Had ways so revoltingly dapper

That a young lady's quim

Didn't interest him

If it hadn't a cellophane wrapper.

1941

12/30/98:

There was a young girl from Hong Kong

Who said, "You are utterly wrong

To say my vagina

's the largest in China,

Just because of your mean little dong."

1944

12/31/98:

Hickory is the best of wood,

Fucking does a woman good,

It spreads her thighs,

Opens her eyes,

And gives her ass good exercise.

1928