8/1/98:

There's a lot has been said 'bout the breast---

Like how nicely they feel when they're pressed.

But when push comes to shove,

In this business of love,

Its "twats" 'tween the legs that is best.

Contributed by
Tom A.

8/2/98:

A sailor indulged in coitus

With a cow of the genus of Cetus.

Piscatologists thundered,

Biologists wondered,

At the anchor tattooed on the fetus.

1942

8/3/98:

There was a young fellow named Biddle

Whose girl had to teach him to diddle.

She grabbed hold of his bow

And said, "If you want to know,

You can try parting my hair in the middle."

1942

8/4/98:

A cautious young fellow named Tunney

Had a whang that was worth any money.

When eased in half-way,

The girl's sigh made him say,

"Why the sigh?" "For the rest of it, honey."

1942

8/5/98:

There was a young man named Isaac Cox

Who took as his motto: "I suck cocks."

This frank declaration

Brought him such reputation

That he spent twenty years sucking cocks on the docks.

1942

8/6/98:

It's only human nature after all

If a fellow puts a girl against the wall

And puts his inclination

Into her accomodation

To increase the population

Of the rising generation---

Why, it's only human natrue after all.

1943

8/7/98:

A young lady from South Carolina

Placed fiddle strings 'cross her vagina.

What, with proper sized cocks,

Once was sex, became Bach's

Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor.

Contributed by
David E. B.

8/8/98:

Two roosters in one of our pens

Found their pricks were no larger than wens.

As they looked at their foreskins

And wished they had more skins,

They discovered they'd both become hens.

1941

8/9/98:

There was a young lady named Peaches

Who frequented the very best beaches.

She refused the lifeguard,

Though he breast-stroked her hard---

She preferred to be sucked off by leeches.

1952

8/10/98:

There was a young man of King's Cross

Who amused himself frigging a horse,

Then licking the spend

Which still dripped from the end,

Said, "It tastes just like anchovy sauce."

1879

8/11/98:

There was a young Georgian named Lynd

Who'd never in all his life sinned,

For whenever he'd start

He'd be jarred by a fart,

And his semen was gone with the wind.

1941

8/12/98:

There was a young cowboy named Gary

Who was morbidly anxious to marry,

But he found the defection

Of any erection

A difficuly factor to parry.

1941

8/13/98:

The bustard's a fortuitous fowl,

Who has but small reason to growl.

He avoids illigitemacy

By the simple expediency

Of the use of an alternate vowel.

Contributed by
Mark H.

8/14/98:

The wife of young Richard of Limerick

Complained to her hesband, "My quim, Rick,

Still grows in diameter

Each time that you ram at her;

How can your poor tool stay so slim, Rick?"

1944

8/15/98:

There was a young lassie named Phyllis

Was deflowered one night in a Willys.

Before they were through

Her spine was askew,

And I very much fear that it still is.

1943

8/16/98:

All those Monica limericks are lame,

But I guess we have Clinton to blame.

Had he fucked just his wife,

For once in his life,

Or at least missed the dress when he came.

Contributed by
Bob W.

8/17/98:

A parson who lived near Cremorne

Looked down on all women with scorn.

E'en a boy's white, fat bum

Could not make him come,

But an old man's piles gave him the horn.

1879

8/18/98:

There was a sailor from Brighton

Who remarked to his girl, "You're a tight one."

She replied, "Bless my soul,

You're in the wrong hole!

There's plenty of room in the right one!"

Contributed by
Teri S.

8/19/98:

A virile young man of Touraine

Had vesicles no one could drain.

With an unbroken flow

Thrice the course he would go,

Then roll over and start in again.

1943

8/20/98:

Bill Clinton's no man of conviction,

Avoiding truth is a lifelong affliction.

Mixes lies with the facts,

We can never relax,

To him, truth IS stranger than fiction.

Contributed by
Jon S.

8/21/98:

Smoking reefer didn't cause him to fail,

And that Lewinsky affair is a tale.

These two things they will name,

When the defense makes its claim,

That neither Bill nor the girl did inhale.

Contributed by
Jon S.

8/22/98:

Q. Flaccus in his third liber:

"The Romans have no wood-pulp fiber.

A crapulent quorum

Will squat in the Forum

And heave dirty stones in the Tiber."

1942

8/23/98:

A whore grown too old to get laid

Turned parfumeuse, finding it paid

To concoct Fleur de Floozie

From the juice of her coosie

(Substantial discount to the trade).

1941

8/24/98:

As Apollo was chasing the fair

Daphne she vanished in air.

He could find but a shrub

With thick bark on the hub

And not even a knot-hole to spare.

1942

8/25/98:

There was an old maid from Bermuda

Who shot a marauding intruder.

It was not her ire

At his lack of attire,

But he reached for her jewels as he screwed her.

1950

8/26/98:

A milkmaid of Warnesby Fair

Was an expert at riding bulls bare.

Oh how the bulls gallop

To give that dear trollop

A bounce on the sweet derry-air.

1945

8/27/98:
Part 1 of 2:

There once was a Vassar B.A.

Who pondered the problem all day

Of what there would be

If C-U-N-T

Were divided by C-O-C-K.

1928

8/28/98:
Part 2 of 2:

A young Ph.D. passing by,

She gave him the problem to try.

He worked the division

With perfect precision,

And the answer was B-A-B-Y.

1928

8/29/98:

A pious young lady named Finnegan

Would caution her beau, "Now you're in again,

Please watch it just right

So you'll last through the night,

For I certainly don't want to sin again."

1941

8/30/98:

There was a young man of Tyburnia

Who was fucking a girl with a hernia.

When he shot in her twat

Why, she also shot---

All over him! Wouldn't that burn ya?

1948

8/31/98:

To Italy went Sinclair Lewis

Documenting the life led by loose

American drunks,

But he unpacked his trunks

'Cause Florence slipped him a goose.

1948