September 1997

Limericks o' the Day


9/1/97:

There was an old man named McDurnal
Who claimed that his cock was eternal.
In his ninety-ninth year,
He dreamed of his dear,
And had an emission nocturnal
Contributed by
C. Nelson

9/2/97:

There once was a lady from Spain
Who cocked her leg over a train.
The train gave a shunt
And went straight up her cunt
And that was the end of the train.
Contributed by
Mark A. Pettge

9/3/97:

A psychiatrist fellow, quite Jung,
Asked his wife, "May I bugger your bung?"
And was so much annoyed
When he found her a-Freud,
He went out in the yard and ate dung.
1941

9/4/97:

A spinster in Kalamazoo
Once strooled after dark by the zoo.
She was seized by the nape,
And raped by an ape,
And she murmured, "A wonderful screw."
1944

9/5/97:

A team of Tom and Louise
Do an act in the nude on their knees.
They crawl down the aisle
While fucking dog-style,
And the orchestra plays Kilmer's "Trees."
1945

9/6/97:

There was an old man of Cajon
Who never could get a good bone.
With the aid of a gland
It grew simply grand;
Now his wife cannot leave it alone.
1941

9/7/97:

There was a young fellow named Rule
Who went to a library school.
As he fingered the index
His thoughts ran to sex,
And his blood all ran to his tool.
1942

9/8/97:

A sheep-herder in Van Buren
Lost half of his flock with the murrain.
Quoth the state veterinary,
"You ought not to carry
Them live spirochetes of your'n.
1942

9/9/97:

There was a debauched little wench
Whom nothing could ever make blench.
She admitted men's poles
At all possible holes,
And she'd bugger, fuck, jerk off, and french.
1943

9/10/97:

There was a young lady named Inge
Who went on a binge with a dinge.
Now I won't breathe a word
Of what really occurred---
But her cunt has a chocolate fringe.
1943

9/11/97:

There was a young fellow named Spratt
Who was terribly sassy and fat.
He sat amusing himself
By abusing himself,
While his trained leopard licked at his pratt.
1944

9/12/97:

Alas for the Countess d'Isere,
Whose muff wasn't furnished with hair.
Said the Count, "Quelle surprise!"
When he parted her thighs;
"Magnifique! Pourtant pas de la guerre."
19

9/13/97:

There was a young man of Ostend
Who let a girl play with his end.
She took hold of Rover,
And felt it all over,
And it did what she didn't intend.
1927

9/14/97:

There was a young priest named Delaney
Who said to the girls, "Nota bene,
I've seen how you swish up
Your shirts at the bishop
Whenever the weather is rainy."
1937

9/15/97:

There was an old parson of Lundy,
Fell asleep in his vestry on Sunday.
He awoke with a scream:
"What, another wet dream!
This comes of not frigging since Monday."
1879

9/16/97:

A virile young G.I. named Shorty
Was lively, and known to be "sporty."
But he once made a slip
And showed up with a "drip,"
And was red-lined (35-1440).
1943

9/17/97:

There was a rich old roue
Who felt himself slipping away.
He endowed a large ward
In a house where he'd whored.
Was there a crowd at his funeral? I'll say!
1948

9/18/97:

There was a young girl of Connecticut
Who didn't care much about etiquette.
Whenever she was able
She'd piss on the table,
And mop off her cunt with her petticoat.
1952

9/19/97:

A chippy who worked in Black Bluff
Had a pussy as large as a muff.
It had room for both hands
And some intimate glands,
And was soft as a little duck's fluff.
1942

9/20/97:
Part 1 of 3

A self-centered young fellow named Newcombe
Who seduced many girls but made few come
Said, "The pleasures of tail
Were ordained for the male.
I've had mine. Do I care whether you come?"

9/21/97:
Part 2 of 3

She egged him on with her charms,
And wriggled right into his arms.
She promised him bliss
With her first little kiss,
And they soon found themselves in a barn.

9/22/97:
Part 3 of 3

She slid under his much-muscled torso
And guided his shaft to her morceau.
He drilled till she ran
Ane dripped into a pan---
She was filled like she'd wished, only more so.
1946

9/23/97:

An organist playing in York
Had a prick that could hold a small fork,
And between obbligatos
He'd munch at tomatoes,
To keep up his strength while at work.
1942

9/24/97:

A lady while dining at Crewe
Found an elephant's whang in her stew.
Said the waiter, "Don't shout,
And don't wave it about,
Or the others will all want one, too."
1941

9/25/97:

There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who professed no sexual feeling.
When a cad named Boris
Touched her clitoris,
They scraped her off the ceiling.
Contributed by
R. Crummett

9/26/97:

In a porn shop a young lass from Racine
Was selecting a fucking machine.
She said with a smile
As she turned up the dial,
"This one's the best one I've seen!"
Contributed by
CAC

9/27/97:

'Tis a farorite pasttime of mine
A new value of pi to assign.
I'd fix it at 3
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3.14159.
Contributed by
S. Krishnamoorthy

9/28/97:

There was a fellow named Dave
Who just didn't know how to behave.
Until he met Mandy,
Who was ever so randy,
And now he's become her sex slave.
Contributed by
Anonymous

9/29/97:

There once was a handsome Haitian,
The luckiest dog in creation.
He worked for the rubber trust
Teaching the upper crust
The science of safe copulation.
1941

9/30/97:

There was an old man of Ramnugger
Who drove a rare trade as a bugger,
Till a fair young Circassian
Brought fucking in fashion,
And spoilt all the trade in Ramnugger.
1870

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