October 1997

Limericks o' the Day


10/1/97:

At the moment Japan declared war
A sailor was fucking a whore.
He said, "After this poke
'Long and hard' ain't no joke;
This means months till I get back ashore."
1942

10/2/97:

Have you heard of Professor MacKay
Who lays all the girls in the hay?
Though he thinks it's romantic
He drives them all frantic
By talking a wonderful lay.
1942

10/3/97:

There was a family named Doe,
An ideal family to know.
As father screwed mother,
She said, "You're heavier than brother."
And he said, "Yes, Sis told me so!"
1948

10/4/97:

There was a young fellow named Pell
Who didn't like cunt very well.
He would finger and fuck one,
But never would suck one---
He just couldn't get used to the smell.
1941

10/5/97:

A grey-headed tutor named Porson
From some strange amatory contortion
Believed he'd conceived
A book, but relieved
Himself by a pamphlet abortion.
1942

10/6/97:

A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexahedronical ball,
And the cube of its weight
Times his pecker, plus eight,
Was four-fifths of five-eighths of fuck-all.
1941

10/7/97:

There was a young lady of Cheyne
Who crept into the vestry unseen.
She pulled down her knickers,
And also the vicar's,
And said, "How about it, old bean?"
1941

10/8/97:

There was a young lady named Kerr
Whose step-ins were made out of fur.
When they asked, "Is it fun?"
She replied, "It's a son-
of-a-gun to make pussy purr!"
1946

10/9/97:

The notorious Duchess of Peels
Saw a fisherman fishing for eels.
Said she, "Would you mind?---
Shove one up my behind.
I am anxious to know how it feels."
1944

10/10/97:
Part 1 of 4

There was a young harlot named Schwartz
Whose cock-pit was studded with warts,
And they tickled so nice
She drew a high price
From the studs at the summer resorts.

10/11/97:
Part 2 of 4

Her pimp, a young fellow named Biddle,
Was seldom hard up for a diddle,
For according to rumor
His tool had a tumor
And a fine row of warts down the middle.

10/12/97:
Part 3 of 4

Her brother, a bastard named Ben,
Could rotate his pecker, and then
He would shoot through his rear
Which made him the dear
Of the girls, and the envy of men.

10/13/97:
Part 4 of 4

Her other young brother, named Saul,
Was able to bounce either ball,
He could stretch them and snap them,
And jugggle and clap them,
Which earned him the plaudits of all.
1941

10/14/97:

A lesbian lassie named Anny
Desired to appear much more manny.
So she whittled a pud
Of mahogany wood,
And let it protrude from her cranny.
1943

10/15/97:

There once was a tart named Belinda
Whose cunt opened out like a window.
But she'd slam the thing shut,
The contemptible slut,
Whenever you tried to get inda.
1941

10/16/97:

I dined with Lord Hughing Fitz-Bluing
Who said, "Do you squirm when you're screwing?"
I replied, "Simple shagging
Without any wagging
Is only for screwing canoeing."
1947

10/17/97:

A young black boxer, Joe Louis,
Who buggered a bastardly Jewess,
He said with a sigh
As his engine went dry,
"I wonder where all of my goo is?"
1939

10/18/97:

There was a young girl from the Bronix
Who had a vagina of onyx.
She had so much tsoris
With her clitoris,
She traded it in for a Packard.
1943

10/19/97:

There was a young man of Malacca
Who always slept on his left knacker.
One Saturday night
He slept on his right,
And his knacker went off like a cracker.
1941

10/20/97:

For sculpture that's really first class
You need form, composition, and mass.
To do a good Venus
Just leave off the penis,
And concentrate all on the ass.
1947

10/21/97:

There was a young girl of Uttoxeter,
And all the young men shook their cocks at her.
From one of these cocks
She contracted the pox,
And she poxed all the cocks in Uttoxeter.
1870

10/22/97:

A young polo player of Berkeley
Made love to his sweetheart berserkly.
In the midst of each chukker
He would break off and fuck her
Horizontally, laterally, and verkeley.
1943

10/23/97:

There once was a girl from Nigeria,
Who loved to eat foods with fiberia.
She ate cabbage and prunes,
And lots of legumes,
Now her husband lives in Siberia.
Contributed by
Susan Chastain

10/24/97:

A fair-haired young damsel named Grace
Thought it very, very foolish to place
Her hand on your cock
When it turned hard as rock,
For fear it would explode in her face.
1946

10/25/97:

The favorite pastime of grandfather
Was tickling his balls with a feather.
But the thing he liked best
Of all of the rest,
Was knocking them gently together.
1939

10/26/97:

An impotent Scot named MacDougall
Had to husband his sperm and be frugal.
He was gathering semen
To gender a he-man,
By screwing his wife through a bugle.
1941

10/27/97:

In Glasgow a tender tapeworm
Was so starved that he barely could squirm,
Until his host finally
Was buggered divinely,
And Jimmie had vaseline and sperm.
1942

10/28/97:

There once was a sailor named Gasted,
A swell guy, as long as he lasted,
He could jerk himself off
In a basket, aloft,
Or a breeches-bouy swung from the masthead.
1941

10/29/97:

A pretty young girl Eskimo
Thought it very patriotic to sew
Ballock-warmers for those
Who were fighting the foes,
And on whom the North wind would blow.
1946

10/30/97:

There is a young foggot named Mose
Who insists that you fuck his long nose.
And you'll double the joy
Of this lecherous boy
If you'll tickle his balls with your toes.
1946

10/31/97:

An amorous Jew, on Yom Kippur,
Saw a shiksel--decided to clip her.
"I'll grip her, and strip her,
And lip her, and whip her---"
Then his dingus shot off in his zipper!
1943

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