8/1/97:

There was a young fellow named Paul

Who confessed, "I have only one ball.

But the size of my prick

Is God's dirtiest trick,

For my girls always ask, 'Is that all?'"

1943

8/2/97:

A beautiful lady named Psyche

Is loved by a fellow named Ikey.

One thing about Ike

The lady can't like

Is his prick, which is dreadfully spikey.

1946

8/3/97:

A hermit who had an oasis

Thought it the best of all places:

He could pray and be calm

'Neath a pleasant date-palm,

While the lice on his ballocks ran races.

1942

8/4/97:

A geneticist living in Delft

Scientifically played with himself,

And when he was done

He labeled it: Son,

And filed it away on the shelf.

1942

8/5/97:

There was a young man named Cattell

Who knew psychophysics so well,

That each time he shit

He'd stop, measure it---

It's length, and it's breadth, and it's smell.

1939

8/6/97:

There once a woman from Clover

Who really enjoyed to bend over.

When a guy got behind her

Jumped all up inside her

And fucked 'til the whole day was over.

Contributed by
Jeremiah Hungerford

8/7/97:

There was a young man of Madras

Who was fucking a girl in the grass,

But the tropical sun

Spoiled half of his fun

By singeing the hair off his ass.

1928

8/8/97:

There was a young lady of Gloucester

Whose friends they thought they had lost her,

Till they found on the grass

The marks of her ass,

And the knees of the man who had crossed her.

1870

8/9/97:

A sweet young strip dancer named Jane

Wore five inches of thin cellophane.

When asked why she wore it

She said, "I abhor it,

But my juices would spatter like rain,"

1934

8/10/97:

There was a young man of Loch Leven

Who went for a walk about seven.

He fell into a pit

That was brimful of shit,

And now the poor bugger's in heaven.

1928

8/11/97:

There was an old harlot of Wick

Who was sucking a coal-heaver's prick.

She said, "I don't mind

The coal dust and grime,

But the smell of your balls makes me sick."

1882

8/12/97:

Peter, first Duke of Orange

Was limited to a miserable four-inch,

But technique in a keyhole

Developed his P-hole

"Til at last it got caught in the door-hinge.

1946

8/13/97:

There once was a lady from Salem

Who used to take cocks and inhale 'em.

The fruits of these feats:

Pubic hairs from her teeth

Were saved until Fall when she'd bale 'em.

Contributed by
Gil Gunderson

8/14/97:

The ancient orthographer, Chisholm.

Caused a lexicographical schism

When he asked to know whether

"Twere known which was better

To use "g" or "j" to spell "jism."

1941

8/15/97:

There was a young girl of Penzance

Who boarded a bus in a trance.

The passengers fucked her,

Likewise the conductor.

The driver shot off in his pants.

1927

8/16/97:

The Shah of the Empire of Persia

Lay for days in a sexual merger.

When the nautch asked the Shah,

"Won't you ever withdraw?"

He replied with a yawn, "It's inertia."

1938

8/17/97:

"My body, by my own admission,"

I told him, "is in top condition."

I said with a snigger,

"I worship my figure."

Then he tried to embrace my religion.

Contributed by
E.Z. Langston

8/18/97:

In the Garden of Eden they dwelt;

And on his right knee, Adam knelt.

He said to his Eve,

"Do you really love me?"

And that's when she answered, "Who else?"

Contributed by
E.Z. Langston

8/19/97:

I told her, "Your bank accounts knotted,

You've spent so much more than alloted."

She said with a yawn,

"I'm not overdrawn,

It's just simply an under-deposit!"

Contributed by
E.Z. Langston

8/20/97:

Most all husbands can testify

To a wedding they cannot deny.

'Cause they know where and when

They got married, but then,

What exactly escapes them is why.

Contributed by
E.Z. Langston

8/21/97:

For the prick-naming prize of Pinole

This year's winner was Daniel O'Dole.

He will tell you with bonhommie,

"I call mine 'Metonymy,'

Because it's a part for the whole."

1943

8/22/97:

You've heard of the Duchess of York,

She's twice been blessed by the stork.

The Duke will fuck

Naught else but a duck,

While the Duchess she frequents the park.

1939

8/23/97:

A lonely young lad of Eton

Used always to sleep with the heat on,

Till he ran into a lass

Who showed him her ass---

Now they sleep with only a sheet on.

1943

8/24/97:

There was a young girl named Maxine

Whose vagina was wondrously clean:

With her uterus packed

She kept safe from attack

With a dill pickle, papulous, green.

1942

8/25/97:

There was a young lad from Nahant

Who was made like the Sensitive Plant.

When asked, "Do you fuck?"

He replied, "No such luck.

I would if I could but I can't."

1928

8/26/97:

A young baseball fan named Miss Glend

Was the home team's best rooter and friend,

But for her the big league

Never held the intrigue

Of a bat with two ball at the end.

1943

8/27/97:

There was a young lady of Bhore

Who was courted by gallants galore.

Their ardent protestin'

She found interestin',

And ended her life as a virgin.

1943

8/28/97:

A certain young man of St. Paul

Consistently practiced withdrawal.

This quaint predilection

Created such friction,

He soon had no foreskin at all.

1948

8/29/97:

There once was a lass from Seattle

Who had a habit of sucking off cattle,

'Till a bull from the south

Shot a load in her mouth

And made her ovaries rattle!

Contributed by
C.A.C.

8/30/97:

There once was a man from Dundee

Who was fucking an ape in a tree.

The results were most horrid:

All ass and no forehead,

Three balls and a purple goatee!

Contributed by
C.A.C.

8/31/97:

There once was a man from Boston

Who had a very small Austin.

There was room for his ass

And a gallon of gas,...

His balls hung out and he lost 'em!

Contributed by
C.A.C.