September 2000

Limericks o' the Day


The thesaurus editor's goal,
Was consummate diet control.
At lunch he said, "Please,
I am somewhat obese,
So I'll just have a synonym roll."
Contributed by
Jan M.


There was a young lady from Brewster
Who's ass was so nice that I goosed her.
But her panties were thin,
And my finger slipped in,
And it still just don't smell like it used ter.
Contributed by
Malcron T.


The sea captain's tender young bride
Fell into the bay at low tide.
You could tell by her squeals,
That some of the eels
Had discovered a dark place to hide.
Contributed by
Jan M.


The bribe that young streetwalker Stover
Employs as a sexual rover,
Is-to hand-job police.
As she gives one release,
She will giggle, "My cop runneth over!"
Contributed by
Jan M.


A young break-dancer named Chris,
Had the women him queuing to kiss.
What began as a cuddle,
Quickly turned to a muddle
Of Chris, a young miss and much bliss.
Contributed by
Jan M.


That fan wouldn't move; it stayed straight.
It must have been made in Kuwait.
Please take the fan back,
As the thing's out of whack.
All the fans that I know ovulate.
Contributed by
Jan M.


Said the gray-haired lady, Miss Wood,
"I'd color my hair if I could.
But I've heard it said,
When I've shown my head,
That only the young dye good."
Contributed by
Jan M.


Said the Abbot, "I'm not pleased one bit,
Brother Ambrose; that you should submit
Your signed IOU
In lieu of a ewe -
I just won't accept that sheep chit."
Contributed by
Jan M.


There was an old man named Kent
Who farted wherever he went.
He went to a fair,
And dropped a few there,
So they plugged up is ass with cement.
Contributed by
R. M.


Said a woman with open delight,
"My pubic hair's perfectly white.
I admit there's a glare,
But the fellows don't care.
They locate it more quickly at night."
Contributed by
Jan M.


Said a Spanish Main pirate named Tate:
"There are eight senioritas I date;
And I'm having a ball,
Since I'm banging them all --
Tearing off all those pieces of eight!"
Contributed by
Jan M.


Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
"My favorite sport is coitus."
But a fullback from State
Made her period late,
And now she has athlete's fetus.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a gal from Missouri
Whose pussy was really quite furry.
One day at the Vet's,
While attending her pets,
He offered to give HER a currie.
Contributed by
Jim H.


Said a gentle old man, "I suppose,
I ought not to wear my best clothes,
But what can I do?
I have only two,
And these are no better than those."
Contributed by
Jan M.


Said a diffident lady named Drood
The first time she saw a man nude,
"I'm glad I'm the sex
That's concave not convex,
For I don't fancy things that protrude."
Contributed by
Jan M.


Old Charlie, a jolly old bloke,
Made love to a cow as a joke.
He found pleasure divine
With this friendly bovine.
Now they call him the old cowpoke!
Contributed by
Jan M.


Nick the prick had a forty foot dick,
He showed it to the lady next door.
She thought it was a snake,
And hit it with a rake,
And now it's only four foot four.
Contributed by
Jan M.


Joe is an old farming "dude"
Who's not in a real good mood.
The rabbits got in,
Where his veggies had been.
And he can't stand hare in his food.
Contributed by
Jan M.


I once took my girl to South Bend,
Intending a loving weekend.
But imagine the fuss;
In the room next to us,
Was my wife with a gentleman friend.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There was a young man named Paul
Who went to a big costume ball.
He thought he would risk it
And go as a biscuit
But a dog ate him up in the hall.
Contributed by
Larry P.


A holiday guest on the coast
Ordered breakfast of beans upon toast.
When he left for the station
His loud eructation
Embarrassed his well-meaning host.
Contributed by
Ian R.


There was a young man of Marseilles
Who thought he had grit in his eilles,
Then his French medico
Said "This may be a blow
But I think you've developed a steilles."
Contributed by
Ian R.


There was a young man of Mobile
Who claimed he'd invented the wheel.
He would run off and fetch
The original sketch,
But he failed in his case on appeal.
Contributed by
Ian R.


A perverse old person of Wrose
Was attracted by sin, I suppose.
He would sit there and think
About women and drink
Which is O.K., as far as it goes.
Contributed by
Ian R.


In Paris a famed courtesan
Had a trick to revive any man
Who was not up to snuff.
She would cry "Fair enough,
You can't but, Mon Dieu, I Can-Can."
Contributed by
Ian R.


A noisy young student from Saudi
Was dismissed by his tutors as rowdy.
So imagine his glee
When he got his degree
And they had to admit him Cum Laude.
Contributed by
Ian R.


There once was a fag named Ulysses
Who lived in a house with three sissies.
At work and at play
They were happy and gay -
And at night they threw each other kissies.
Contributed by
Jamie A.


I know it sounds lewd and obscene,
But I'm in love with my washing machine.
When she cycles to rinse,
I feel like a prince;
And my dick has a soft, Downy sheen.
Contributed by
Jamie A.


Big Bertha threw her man on the bed
And proceeded to suck on his head.
She blew him so hard
That poor ol' Bernard
Hit the ceiling, gave a gasp, and was dead.
Contributed by
Jamie A.


While strolling on a nude beach
A blond came into my reach...
She slapped me all silly
Then pulled on my willy
And stuck it into her breach!!
Contributed by

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