Limericks o' the Day
- The thesaurus editor's goal,
- Was consummate diet control.
- At lunch he said, "Please,
- I am somewhat obese,
- So I'll just have a synonym roll."
- There was a young lady from Brewster
- Who's ass was so nice that I goosed her.
- But her panties were thin,
- And my finger slipped in,
- And it still just don't smell like it used ter.
- The sea captain's tender young bride
- Fell into the bay at low tide.
- You could tell by her squeals,
- That some of the eels
- Had discovered a dark place to hide.
- The bribe that young streetwalker Stover
- Employs as a sexual rover,
- Is-to hand-job police.
- As she gives one release,
- She will giggle, "My cop runneth over!"
- A young break-dancer named Chris,
- Had the women him queuing to kiss.
- What began as a cuddle,
- Quickly turned to a muddle
- Of Chris, a young miss and much bliss.
- That fan wouldn't move; it stayed straight.
- It must have been made in Kuwait.
- Please take the fan back,
- As the thing's out of whack.
- All the fans that I know ovulate.
- Said the gray-haired lady, Miss Wood,
- "I'd color my hair if I could.
- But I've heard it said,
- When I've shown my head,
- That only the young dye good."
- Said the Abbot, "I'm not pleased one bit,
- Brother Ambrose; that you should submit
- Your signed IOU
- In lieu of a ewe -
- I just won't accept that sheep chit."
- There was an old man named Kent
- Who farted wherever he went.
- He went to a fair,
- And dropped a few there,
- So they plugged up is ass with cement.
- Said a woman with open delight,
- "My pubic hair's perfectly white.
- I admit there's a glare,
- But the fellows don't care.
- They locate it more quickly at night."
- Said a Spanish Main pirate named Tate:
- "There are eight senioritas I date;
- And I'm having a ball,
- Since I'm banging them all --
- Tearing off all those pieces of eight!"
- Said a horny young girl from Milpitas,
- "My favorite sport is coitus."
- But a fullback from State
- Made her period late,
- And now she has athlete's fetus.
- There once was a gal from Missouri
- Whose pussy was really quite furry.
- One day at the Vet's,
- While attending her pets,
- He offered to give HER a currie.
- Said a gentle old man, "I suppose,
- I ought not to wear my best clothes,
- But what can I do?
- I have only two,
- And these are no better than those."
- Said a diffident lady named Drood
- The first time she saw a man nude,
- "I'm glad I'm the sex
- That's concave not convex,
- For I don't fancy things that protrude."
- Old Charlie, a jolly old bloke,
- Made love to a cow as a joke.
- He found pleasure divine
- With this friendly bovine.
- Now they call him the old cowpoke!
- Nick the prick had a forty foot dick,
- He showed it to the lady next door.
- She thought it was a snake,
- And hit it with a rake,
- And now it's only four foot four.
- Joe is an old farming "dude"
- Who's not in a real good mood.
- The rabbits got in,
- Where his veggies had been.
- And he can't stand hare in his food.
- I once took my girl to South Bend,
- Intending a loving weekend.
- But imagine the fuss;
- In the room next to us,
- Was my wife with a gentleman friend.
- There was a young man named Paul
- Who went to a big costume ball.
- He thought he would risk it
- And go as a biscuit
- But a dog ate him up in the hall.
- A holiday guest on the coast
- Ordered breakfast of beans upon toast.
- When he left for the station
- His loud eructation
- Embarrassed his well-meaning host.
- There was a young man of Marseilles
- Who thought he had grit in his eilles,
- Then his French medico
- Said "This may be a blow
- But I think you've developed a steilles."
- There was a young man of Mobile
- Who claimed he'd invented the wheel.
- He would run off and fetch
- The original sketch,
- But he failed in his case on appeal.
- A perverse old person of Wrose
- Was attracted by sin, I suppose.
- He would sit there and think
- About women and drink
- Which is O.K., as far as it goes.
- In Paris a famed courtesan
- Had a trick to revive any man
- Who was not up to snuff.
- She would cry "Fair enough,
- You can't but, Mon Dieu, I Can-Can."
- A noisy young student from Saudi
- Was dismissed by his tutors as rowdy.
- So imagine his glee
- When he got his degree
- And they had to admit him Cum Laude.
- There once was a fag named Ulysses
- Who lived in a house with three sissies.
- At work and at play
- They were happy and gay -
- And at night they threw each other kissies.
- I know it sounds lewd and obscene,
- But I'm in love with my washing machine.
- When she cycles to rinse,
- I feel like a prince;
- And my dick has a soft, Downy sheen.
- Big Bertha threw her man on the bed
- And proceeded to suck on his head.
- She blew him so hard
- That poor ol' Bernard
- Hit the ceiling, gave a gasp, and was dead.
- While strolling on a nude beach
- A blond came into my reach...
- She slapped me all silly
- Then pulled on my willy
- And stuck it into her breach!!