November 2000

Limericks o' the Day


A thrifty young fellow of Shoreham
Made brown paper trousers and wore 'em.
He looked nice and neat,
Till he bent in the street
To pick up a dime, then he tore 'em.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A soldier known only as Sarge
Had sex with a hooker named Marge.
Though only a grunt,
He assaulted her cunt,
And gave her a honorable discharge.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A rooster became quite dismayed,
With an orange in a nest, well displayed.
He called to his chicks,
"Mom's up to her tricks!
Look at the orange `marma-laid'."
Contributed by
Jan M.


A promiscuous man from South France,
Got green rings surrounding his lance.
Said the doctor, "Some screw!
There's nothing to do,
Except watch it rot into your pants!"
Contributed by
Jan M.


A pretty young maiden from France
Decided she'd "just take a chance."
She let herself go,
For an hour or so,
And now all her sisters are aunts.
Contributed by
Jan M.


Poorer, but wiser is she,
It cost her a trip 'cross the sea.
But, she learned with great joy,
Unlike an American Boy,
Scots don't have to unzip to pee.
Contributed by
Robert W.


A pretty young lady named Vogel
Once sat herself down on a molehill.
A curious mole
Nosed into her hole --
Ms. Vogel's OK, but the mole's ill.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A notorious hooker named Shore
Would allow horny sailors to score,
But employed every means
Of avoiding Marines-
She was rotten, they claimed, to the Corps.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A naked hang glider named Cass,
Was practicing landings on grass.
But she sailed past the lawn
And landed upon
The sidewalk and scratched up her fundament.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A man with a fever so dire,
Had testes which burned like a pyre.
He was heard to exclaim,
As they put out the flame,
"Goodness gracious, great balls of fire."
Contributed by
Jan M.


A Magdalen Dean of Divinity
Had a daughter who kept her virginity,
The Fellows of Magdalen
They must have been dawdling
'Twould never have happened at Trinity.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A little adultery spices
Our lives, but just look at those prices!
If they charge all that dough,
Men can't buy it, you know,
And there'll be a frustrational crisis.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A hard-headed cabby named Peter
Was asked by a fare if he'd eat her.
He said, "It's not free.
I will only agree
To go down while I'm running the meter."
Contributed by
Jan M.


A gigantic young crewman named Tate
Has a pecker whose weight is so great
That his dates fear to screw.
What's a stroke oar to do?
He's reduced to just pulling his weight.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A dulcet-voiced callgirl named Shedd,
Who's cultured, well-spoken, well-bred,
Had achieved some renown
For her tone going down -
There's a nice civil tongue in her head.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A certain young chap named Bill Beebee
Was in love with a lady named Phoebe.
"But," he said, "I must see
What the clerical fee
Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Beebee."
Contributed by
Jan M.


A cautious young chemist named Mound
Was surprised (but not hurt) when he found
That A mixed with B
In the presence of C
Made a hole (ringed with dirt) in the ground.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A burlesque dancer, a pip
Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
But she read science fiction
And died of constriction
Attempting a Moebius strip.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A bugger who buggered some sheep
Tried to bugger a ewe in her sleep.
She awoke with a start
And she ripped a great fart.
Now he's covered in shit three feet deep.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A broken-down lecher named Tupps
Was heard to confess in his cups:
"The height of my folly
Was diddling a collie -
But I got a nice price for the pups."
Contributed by
Jan M.


A braunschweiger eater named Kurst,
Thought that his stomach would burst.
But his doctor said,
"Nay! Your stomach's okay;
I'd say that your liver is wurst."
Contributed by
Jan M.


"You, choirboy!" ordered the pastor
"Bend over the pew for your Master!"
He said with a moan
As he slipped him a bone.
"Now just wag your tail a bit faster!"
Contributed by
Jan M.


There was a young widow of Nain
Who the bedclothes did frequently stain,
With such great inflammation
Came such menstruation,
Her cunt so long idle had lain.


Did you hear about young Henry Lockett?
He was blown down the street by a rocket.
The force of the blast
Blew his balls up his ass,
And his pecker was found in his pocket.


Don't dip your wick in a Wac,
Don't ride the breast of a Wave,
Just sit in the sand
And do it by hand,
And buy bonds with the money you save.


A habit obscene and bizarre
Has taken a-hold of papa:
He brings home young camels
And other odd mammals,
And gives them a go at mama.


There was a bulldog named Caesar,
Saw a cat and decided to tease 'er,
But she scratched and she spit,
Till the big bulldog quit,
Now Caesar just sees 'er and flees 'er!.
Contributed by


There waa a young lady named Gay,
Who was asked to make love in the hay.
She jumped at the chance
And took off her pants,
She was tickled to try it that way!
Contributed by Mortimer


"The testes are cooler outside,"
Said the doc to the curious bride,
"For the semen must not
Get too fucking hot,
And the bag fans your bum on the ride."


There was a young man, a Maltese,
Who could even screw horses with ease.
He'd flout natural laws
In this manner because
Of his dong, which hung down to his knees.


To his bride said the keen-eyed detective,
"Can it be that my eyesight's defective?
Has your east tit the least bit
The best of your west tit,
Or is it the faulty perspective?"

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