5/1/00:

A cock of a fellow named Randall

Shot sparks like a big Roman candle.

He was much in demand,

For the colors were grand,

But the girls found him too hot to handle.

Contributed by
Larry M.

5/2/00:

John's testicles groaned and said, "Ouch!",

As he fondled young Jane on the couch.

Said the left, "I feel blue";

Said the right one, "Me too",

As they jiggled around in their pouch.

Contributed by
Larry M.

5/3/00:

A young corporate banker named Beatty

Once had an affair with a lady.

It wouldn't have been

Such a sin, had she been

A couple of years under eighty.

Contributed by
Trevor R.

5/4/00:

There was a young curate of Kew

Who kept a tom-cat in a pew.

He taught it to speak

Alphabetical Greek,

But it never got further than Mu.

Contributed by
Larry M.

5/5/00:

Mr. Jones was a bass in the choir,

Yet a man who loved "playing with fire"

He wrestled a bear

Who didn't play fair

Now he's singing a full octave higher.

Contributed by
Larry M.

5/6/00:

There was a young girl of Bombay

Who was put in the family way

By the mate of a lugger,

An ignorant bugger

Who always spelled cunt with a K.

1927

5/7/00:

There was a young maid of Klepper

Went out one night with a stepper,

And now in dismay

She murmurs each day,

"His pee-pee was made of red-pepper!"

1927

5/8/00:

He looked and he saw and behold!

She had tits that had broken the mold!

He thought, "Oh, to touch...",

But didn't do such,

For, alas, she was just twelve years old.

Contributed by
Tom A.

5/9/00:

"It's true," confessed Jane, Lady Torres,

"That often I beg lifts in lorries.

When the men stop to piss

I see things that I miss

When I travel alone in my Morris."

1947

5/10/00:

While the bill was debated, Miss Snyder

Had a Senator thrusting inside her....

To a knock at the door,

She replied from the floor,

"Go away - I'm attached to a rider!"

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/11/00:

There was a young man from St. James

Who played the jolliest games.

He lighted the rim

Of his grandmother's quim,

And laughed as she pissed through the flames.

Contributed by
Chris A.

5/12/00:

While I, with my usual enthusiasm,

Was exploring in Ermintrude's busiasm,

She explained, "They are flat,

But think nothing of that --

You will find that my sweet sister Susiasm."

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/13/00:

When the judge, with his wife having sport,

Proved suddenly two inches short,

The good woman declined,

And the judge had her fined

By proving contempt of the court.

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/14/00:

When the Duchess of Bagliofuente

Took her fourteenth cavaliere servente

The Duke said "Old chappy,

I'll keep that cunt happy

If I have to hire nineteen or twenty."

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/15/00:

When out on the warpath the Siouxs,

March single file never by tiouxs,

And by 'blazing' the trees,

Can return at their ease,

And their way through the forest ne'er liouxs.

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/16/00:

When our deficit descended to zero

Our minister was considered a hero.

He ascended the chancel

But decided to cancel

The sermon, and dance a Bolero.

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/17/00:

When I die, I just hope my main squeeze

Stores my body in very deep freeze.

Then when I thaw out,

My nurses will shout,

And it'll astound the MD's.

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/18/00:

When asked by the Duchess at tea

If an eggplant I ever did see,

I said "Yes," rather bored;

She said, "Sir, you've explored

Up a hen's ass much further than me."

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/19/00:

There once was a woman in China

Who stuck dynamite up her vagina.

She lit it on fire

In suicidal ire.

It blew her to South Carolina.

Contributed by
Joshua K.

5/20/00:

When a corpulent spinster named Snow

Was approached by a dwarf for a blow,

She replied, "I have pride!

Your request is denied!

I could never, sir, stoop quite that low!"

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/21/00:

We've heard of that fellow named Blight,

And his trip on that fabulous night,

But his increasing mass

Would have soon proved so vast

He'd have been a most *singular* sight!

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/22/00:

We were painting the church steeple gray,

When the wind blew our brushes away.

We said to the pastor,

"What a disaster!"

He calmly replied, "Let us spray."

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/23/00:

There once was a guy from Toledo

Who strained as he put on his speedo.

He finally suceeded,

But later conceded,

"The damn thing, it kills my libido!"

Contributed by
Andy

5/24/00:

A fat man who couldn't be meaner

Really liked to play with his weiner.

After a day

Of jerking away

He found that his arms were much leaner.

Contributed by
Joshua K.

5/25/00:

There once was a man named Hinckley

Whose actions did certainly stinkley.

He was such a pagan

That he tried to kill Reagan

To impress Jodie Foster, I thinkley.

Contributed by
Joshua K.

5/26/00:

There was a chicken farmer from Hay,

Who found his hens wouldn't lay;

The trouble was Brewster,

His champion rooster;

You see, Brewster the rooster was gay!

Contributed by
Larry M.

5/27/00:

We thought we were going to die

When the minister raised his arms high

The benediction to say,

But it wasn't his day,

He'd forgotten to zip up his fly!

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/28/00:

We all know that tampons are spongey

And oftentimes get rather grungy

But why they have strings

Among other things

Is so that the crabs can all bungee.

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/29/00:

Undressing a maiden called Sue,

Her seducer exclaimed, "If it's true

That a nipple a day

Keeps the doctor away,

Think how healthy you must be with two!"

Contributed by
Jan M.

5/30/00:

Two fairies were flitting one day

In the meadow where they liked to play,

When the male made a pass

At the other (a lass),

Showing not quite all fairies are gay.

Contributed by
Larry M.

5/31/00:

Two starry eyed, reckless young beaux

Were held up and robbed of their cleaux.

While the weather is hot

They won't miss them a lot,

But what will they do when it sneaux?

Contributed by
Jan M.