Limericks o' the Day
- This lady, without any class,
- Made music come out of her ass.
- It wasn't enough
- Farting lieder and stuff,
- But Ave Maria, at Mass?
B. Griffin B.
- An ice hockey star named Gilpatrick
- Set his sights on scoring a "hat trick."
- He went into the stands
- And clobbered three fans
- With the end of his stick... Now how's that trick!
B. Griffin B.
- A busty young lass from Khartoum
- Had one huge, enormous bazoom.
- Upon her demise,
- Because of its size,
- They built a pyramidal tomb.
- An adulterous knave was quite vicious
- When he thought his wife very pernicious.
- He came home too early
- And really got surly
- When he caught her in flagrante delicious.
- There once was a man from Cleves,
- Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
- In half of an hour,
- His dick was a flower,
- And his ass was a bundle of weeds.
- There once was a woman from Nam
- Who was always riding the tram.
- But one day the conductor
- Stripped her and fucked her,
- And now she is pushing a pram.
- In the Garden of Eden stood Adam
- Stroking the quiff of his madam;
- And he quivered with mirth
- For he knew that on Earth
- There were only two balls, and he had 'em.
- There was a young woman named Flo
- Who was constantly on the go.
- Till she caught a disease
- That buckled her knees
- And now we know Flo is a 'ho'.
- Of his lady, he was quite enchanted.
- Of her good points, he frequently ranted.
- But of many God's gifts,
- Were her wonderful tits,
- But really, they were only implanted.
- In the south there lives a young minx,
- Who wears only her smile and winks.
- When it's hot it's okay
- To go out dressed that way,
- Or, at least, that's what she thinks.
- When out with a girl give her shandy,
- Itís perfect for making her randy.
- But when I get back
- To my little shack,
- Thank God I have got my best brandy!
- There was a young girl from Madrid
- Who claimed she'd never been rid!
- Until along came an Italian
- With balls like a stallion
- and rode her like Billy the Kid!
- There once was a lady from Spain,
- Who enjoyed sex every now and again,
- Not.. now and again
- Like..now and again,
- But, NOW! ...and AGAIN!! ...and AGAIN!!!
Paul and Nancie Y.
- There once was a lady called Vicki,
- She got lucky and went for a quickie,
- Pressed up by a wall,
- She got pregnant n'all,
- She now has a baby called Nicki.
- An oversexed young man named Hugh,
- On the lookout for something to do,
- Was heard to remark,
- "If I had an ark,
- I"d screw a young ewe or two."
- A strapping young fellow named Herman
- Had a ring round his prick that was permanent.
- All the old docs
- Said the ring was the pox,
- But he swore it was lipstick or vermin.
- His neighbors would shout, "Hello, Dali!"
- Whenever he'd eat some tomalley.
- He'd share his steamed lobster
- With a Mafia mobster,
- And then spend the night with his collie.
- There once was a young man of Cuba,
- Who buggered himself with a tuba.
- Impaled on the horn,
- He looked most forlorn
- Regretting he'd not used a goober.
- The jumper remained quite aloof,
- Gazing down on the crowd from the roof:
- "Should I try suicide
- Or just go and hide,
- And pretend it was only a spoof?"
- There once was a girl from Point Loma,
- Who gave off a revolting aroma.
- The mephitic stench
- Of that odorous wench
- Would send men off into a coma.
- A gourmet with a ginormous tool
- Liked to stick it in pasta fazool.
- It made him feel macho
- To come on a nacho,
- And he used it for stirring his gruel.
- Proctologists meeting en masse
- Agree in extolling the ass:
- "It may be a monkey's
- Or even a donkey's,
- But if it's an ass, it's got class!"
- A Scotsman I know loves his kippers
- If they've spent overnight in his slippers.
- But he's equally taken
- By rashesr of bacon
- When served on the bellies of Strippers.
- There was a young lady, Ann Heiser,
- Who said no man could suprise her.
- But Pabst took a chance,
- Found a Schlitz in her pants,
- And now she is sadder Budweiser.
- I knew I was taking a chance
- When I asked a cheerleader to dance.
- She shook her pom-poms
- To beats of tom-toms;
- I thought she had ants in her pants.
- A young lady chewing a mango
- While dancing a sexy Fandango
- Did a hot hootchy-kootchy
- In a dress done by Pucci
- And finished up doing a tango.
- A mathematician named Hall
- Has a hexahedronical ball.
- The cube of it's weight,
- Times his pecker, plus eight,
- Is his phone number, give him a call.
- A fearless young spermatozoa
- Remarked to an ovum, "Helloa!
- We'd make a cute fetus,
- But I fear she'd mistreat us---
- By the smell of this place, she's a whoah."
- There was a young girl of Kilkenny
- On whose genital parts there were many
- Venereal growths---
- The result of wild oats
- Sown there by a fellow named Benny.
- Mike told his fat wife all the time
- To stop eating and tow the line.
- "Don't be a dumb fuck.
- You're as big as my truck.
- Now you'll have to wear a WIDE LOAD sign!"
- Exclaimed a young girl in Kildare,
- As her lover's jock towered in air,
- "If that goes in me I
- Shall certainly die---
- As I shall if it does NOT go there."