March 2000

Limericks o' the Day


This lady, without any class,
Made music come out of her ass.
It wasn't enough
Farting lieder and stuff,
But Ave Maria, at Mass?
Contributed by
B. Griffin B.


An ice hockey star named Gilpatrick
Set his sights on scoring a "hat trick."
He went into the stands
And clobbered three fans
With the end of his stick... Now how's that trick!
Contributed by
B. Griffin B.


A busty young lass from Khartoum
Had one huge, enormous bazoom.
Upon her demise,
Because of its size,
They built a pyramidal tomb.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


An adulterous knave was quite vicious
When he thought his wife very pernicious.
He came home too early
And really got surly
When he caught her in flagrante delicious.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


There once was a man from Cleves,
Who swallowed a packet of seeds.
In half of an hour,
His dick was a flower,
And his ass was a bundle of weeds.
Contributed by
Neal L.


There once was a woman from Nam
Who was always riding the tram.
But one day the conductor
Stripped her and fucked her,
And now she is pushing a pram.
Contributed by
Matt P.


In the Garden of Eden stood Adam
Stroking the quiff of his madam;
And he quivered with mirth
For he knew that on Earth
There were only two balls, and he had 'em.
Contributed by
Peter B.


There was a young woman named Flo
Who was constantly on the go.
Till she caught a disease
That buckled her knees
And now we know Flo is a 'ho'.
Contributed by
Linda L.


Of his lady, he was quite enchanted.
Of her good points, he frequently ranted.
But of many God's gifts,
Were her wonderful tits,
But really, they were only implanted.
Contributed by


In the south there lives a young minx,
Who wears only her smile and winks.
When it's hot it's okay
To go out dressed that way,
Or, at least, that's what she thinks.
Contributed by


When out with a girl give her shandy,
Itís perfect for making her randy.
But when I get back
To my little shack,
Thank God I have got my best brandy!
Contributed by


There was a young girl from Madrid
Who claimed she'd never been rid!
Until along came an Italian
With balls like a stallion
and rode her like Billy the Kid!
Contributed by


There once was a lady from Spain,
Who enjoyed sex every now and again,
Not.. now and again and again,
But, NOW! ...and AGAIN!! ...and AGAIN!!!
Contributed by
Paul and Nancie Y.


There once was a lady called Vicki,
She got lucky and went for a quickie,
Pressed up by a wall,
She got pregnant n'all,
She now has a baby called Nicki.
Contributed by
Vicki S.


An oversexed young man named Hugh,
On the lookout for something to do,
Was heard to remark,
"If I had an ark,
I"d screw a young ewe or two."
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A strapping young fellow named Herman
Had a ring round his prick that was permanent.
All the old docs
Said the ring was the pox,
But he swore it was lipstick or vermin.


His neighbors would shout, "Hello, Dali!"
Whenever he'd eat some tomalley.
He'd share his steamed lobster
With a Mafia mobster,
And then spend the night with his collie.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


There once was a young man of Cuba,
Who buggered himself with a tuba.
Impaled on the horn,
He looked most forlorn
Regretting he'd not used a goober.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


The jumper remained quite aloof,
Gazing down on the crowd from the roof:
"Should I try suicide
Or just go and hide,
And pretend it was only a spoof?"
Contributed by
Laurence U.


There once was a girl from Point Loma,
Who gave off a revolting aroma.
The mephitic stench
Of that odorous wench
Would send men off into a coma.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A gourmet with a ginormous tool
Liked to stick it in pasta fazool.
It made him feel macho
To come on a nacho,
And he used it for stirring his gruel.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


Proctologists meeting en masse
Agree in extolling the ass:
"It may be a monkey's
Or even a donkey's,
But if it's an ass, it's got class!"
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A Scotsman I know loves his kippers
If they've spent overnight in his slippers.
But he's equally taken
By rashesr of bacon
When served on the bellies of Strippers.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


There was a young lady, Ann Heiser,
Who said no man could suprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found a Schlitz in her pants,
And now she is sadder Budweiser.
Contributed by
Bill F.


I knew I was taking a chance
When I asked a cheerleader to dance.
She shook her pom-poms
To beats of tom-toms;
I thought she had ants in her pants.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A young lady chewing a mango
While dancing a sexy Fandango
Did a hot hootchy-kootchy
In a dress done by Pucci
And finished up doing a tango.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A mathematician named Hall
Has a hexahedronical ball.
The cube of it's weight,
Times his pecker, plus eight,
Is his phone number, give him a call.
Contributed by


A fearless young spermatozoa
Remarked to an ovum, "Helloa!
We'd make a cute fetus,
But I fear she'd mistreat us---
By the smell of this place, she's a whoah."


There was a young girl of Kilkenny
On whose genital parts there were many
Venereal growths---
The result of wild oats
Sown there by a fellow named Benny.


Mike told his fat wife all the time
To stop eating and tow the line.
"Don't be a dumb fuck.
You're as big as my truck.
Now you'll have to wear a WIDE LOAD sign!"
Contributed by


Exclaimed a young girl in Kildare,
As her lover's jock towered in air,
"If that goes in me I
Shall certainly die---
As I shall if it does NOT go there."

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