February 2000

Limericks o' the Day


There once was a man from Nort,
Whose cock, although thick, was quite short.
To make up for his loss,
He had balls like a hoss,
And he never came less than a quart.
Contributed by


Firm and full in his pants (she HAD checked)
Bulged the object she yearned to inspect.
So her hand slipped inside
To caressingly slide
Out his . . . wallet. What did you expect?
Contributed by


A botany student named Gant
Disappeared after receiving a grant.
He was found unmolested,
Although quite digested,
Inside a carnivorous plant.
Contributed by
Brenden L.


There was a young girl from Denellen,
Whom the hoboken rascals called Helen.
In her efforts to please,
Spread a social disease
From New York to the Straits of Magellan.
Contributed by


There was a young girl from Peoria,
Who was had by Sir Guy DeAmoria,
And then by six men,
By Sir Guy again,
And the band at the Waldorf Astoria.
Contributed by


A bimbo with avoirdupois
Was madly in love with a boy.
As thin as a rail,
He grew deathly pale:
When they screwed he received little joy.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


Please pay heed to a Scotsman named Sandy,
Who was incomprehensibly randy.
The fluid he spilt
All over his kilt
Wasn't beer, wasn't Scotch, wasn't shandy.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A bullfighter whose name was Juan
Was desperately seeking a john.
The valiant torero
Went in his sombrero
So now he's not going -- he's gone!
Contributed by
Laurence U.


There once was a girl from Dare,
Who met a man all covered with hair,
When she lifted his hat,
She realized that,
She'd been had by Smokey The Bear.
Contributed by


There once was a lady from Butte
Whose butt was exceedingly cute.
Montanans of class
Who admired her ass
Were thought of as very astute.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A hobbledehoy name of Roy,
A Hawaiian ---(he sure loved his poi).
He thought it was nice
And preferred it to rice
Though he drowned it in buckets of soy.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


Please pity the preacher Magoo,
Who couldn't sit still in his pew.
As everyone knew
The day'd come that he'd rue
When he covered his bottom with glue.
Contributed by


There was a young man of Madras,
Who boasted his balls were of brass.
Below his huge totem
There tinkled his scrotum
Just inches away from his ass.
Contributed by


There was a young lad called Woody
Who was jerkin in bed but thought, "Should he?"
He tried day and night,
With all his hand's might,
But it turned out the question was, "Could he?"
Contributed by
Tammy S.


A young man from Sioux City Falls
Once boasted that he had huge balls.
Enormous in size,
All covered with flies,
They drew big crowds into shopping malls.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


There once was a girl named Cinderella
Who got laid by every other fella.
"Cinderella! Do your chores!"
"Cinderella! Drop your drawers!"
And that's why the Grimm tale was a best sella'!
Contributed by
Barbara F.


There once was a whore from Beluz,
Who was fucking a man just because,
From her cunt fell a brick,
He yelled "Girl are you sick?"
She said, "No, but the guy before was."
Contributed by


A young man addicted to snuff
Would sniff it from his girl-friend's muff.
"It tickles!" she'd shout.
"Please take your nose out!
And then we can start playing rough!"
Contributed by
Laurence U.


Most people do think it is crass
To make noisy emissions of gas.
They tolerate burps
But condemn the perps
Who deliver a blast from the ass.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A man who liked minuscule spaces,
Diminutive, small, little places,
Has been seen to vomit
Through one tiny grommet
Without leaving nauseous traces.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


There was a young man from Belize
Who just loved to fart in a breeze.
"I know there's a cost --
The aroma is lost --
But it's better than sucking my knees!"
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A soldier whose name was McCort,
Had a dick the size of a wart.
When the troops would advance,
He'd shout "Here's my Lance",
So his friends kept him locked in the fort.
Contributed by


In Paris, alongside the Seine,
Walked a beautiful long legged Femme.
Her skirt, it was short,
And she was heard to retort,
"50 francs to get past the hem."
Contributed by


There once was a girl from Belize,
Whose titties hung down to her knees.
She wore no Maidenform
When the climate was warm,
In the cold, her nipples would freeze.
Contributed by


A promiscuous Blonde, oh so dumb,
(Though on dates, incredibly fun).
On every weekend,
She picks up eight men,
She blows two and screws all but one.
Contributed by


A mammalian mayven named Lew
Was looking for fat cows to screw.
So he leapt the fence:
And in the biblical sense,
He knew the new gnu at the zoo.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


Sam has taken too much abuse
For his fetish involving cous-cous.
He's tried cooking goose
And even some moose,
Finally settling on eating refuse.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


Cinderella (so called 'cause she's sootiful),
To her stepmother always was dutiful.
She goes to the ball,
Let's her glass slipper fall,
Now a sole-kissing prince thinks she's beautiful.
Contributed by
Laurence U.


A Sierra man off on a spree
Was seen to be hugging a tree.
"It's just for a lark,
And the love of its bark,
And its branches are something to see."
Contributed by
Laurence U.

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