Limericks o' the Day
- There once was a man from Nort,
- Whose cock, although thick, was quite short.
- To make up for his loss,
- He had balls like a hoss,
- And he never came less than a quart.
- Firm and full in his pants (she HAD checked)
- Bulged the object she yearned to inspect.
- So her hand slipped inside
- To caressingly slide
- Out his . . . wallet. What did you expect?
- A botany student named Gant
- Disappeared after receiving a grant.
- He was found unmolested,
- Although quite digested,
- Inside a carnivorous plant.
- There was a young girl from Denellen,
- Whom the hoboken rascals called Helen.
- In her efforts to please,
- Spread a social disease
- From New York to the Straits of Magellan.
- There was a young girl from Peoria,
- Who was had by Sir Guy DeAmoria,
- And then by six men,
- By Sir Guy again,
- And the band at the Waldorf Astoria.
- A bimbo with avoirdupois
- Was madly in love with a boy.
- As thin as a rail,
- He grew deathly pale:
- When they screwed he received little joy.
- Please pay heed to a Scotsman named Sandy,
- Who was incomprehensibly randy.
- The fluid he spilt
- All over his kilt
- Wasn't beer, wasn't Scotch, wasn't shandy.
- A bullfighter whose name was Juan
- Was desperately seeking a john.
- The valiant torero
- Went in his sombrero
- So now he's not going -- he's gone!
- There once was a girl from Dare,
- Who met a man all covered with hair,
- When she lifted his hat,
- She realized that,
- She'd been had by Smokey The Bear.
- There once was a lady from Butte
- Whose butt was exceedingly cute.
- Montanans of class
- Who admired her ass
- Were thought of as very astute.
- A hobbledehoy name of Roy,
- A Hawaiian ---(he sure loved his poi).
- He thought it was nice
- And preferred it to rice
- Though he drowned it in buckets of soy.
- Please pity the preacher Magoo,
- Who couldn't sit still in his pew.
- As everyone knew
- The day'd come that he'd rue
- When he covered his bottom with glue.
- There was a young man of Madras,
- Who boasted his balls were of brass.
- Below his huge totem
- There tinkled his scrotum
- Just inches away from his ass.
- There was a young lad called Woody
- Who was jerkin in bed but thought, "Should he?"
- He tried day and night,
- With all his hand's might,
- But it turned out the question was, "Could he?"
- A young man from Sioux City Falls
- Once boasted that he had huge balls.
- Enormous in size,
- All covered with flies,
- They drew big crowds into shopping malls.
- There once was a girl named Cinderella
- Who got laid by every other fella.
- "Cinderella! Do your chores!"
- "Cinderella! Drop your drawers!"
- And that's why the Grimm tale was a best sella'!
- There once was a whore from Beluz,
- Who was fucking a man just because,
- From her cunt fell a brick,
- He yelled "Girl are you sick?"
- She said, "No, but the guy before was."
- A young man addicted to snuff
- Would sniff it from his girl-friend's muff.
- "It tickles!" she'd shout.
- "Please take your nose out!
- And then we can start playing rough!"
- Most people do think it is crass
- To make noisy emissions of gas.
- They tolerate burps
- But condemn the perps
- Who deliver a blast from the ass.
- A man who liked minuscule spaces,
- Diminutive, small, little places,
- Has been seen to vomit
- Through one tiny grommet
- Without leaving nauseous traces.
- There was a young man from Belize
- Who just loved to fart in a breeze.
- "I know there's a cost --
- The aroma is lost --
- But it's better than sucking my knees!"
- A soldier whose name was McCort,
- Had a dick the size of a wart.
- When the troops would advance,
- He'd shout "Here's my Lance",
- So his friends kept him locked in the fort.
- In Paris, alongside the Seine,
- Walked a beautiful long legged Femme.
- Her skirt, it was short,
- And she was heard to retort,
- "50 francs to get past the hem."
- There once was a girl from Belize,
- Whose titties hung down to her knees.
- She wore no Maidenform
- When the climate was warm,
- In the cold, her nipples would freeze.
- A promiscuous Blonde, oh so dumb,
- (Though on dates, incredibly fun).
- On every weekend,
- She picks up eight men,
- She blows two and screws all but one.
- A mammalian mayven named Lew
- Was looking for fat cows to screw.
- So he leapt the fence:
- And in the biblical sense,
- He knew the new gnu at the zoo.
- Sam has taken too much abuse
- For his fetish involving cous-cous.
- He's tried cooking goose
- And even some moose,
- Finally settling on eating refuse.
- Cinderella (so called 'cause she's sootiful),
- To her stepmother always was dutiful.
- She goes to the ball,
- Let's her glass slipper fall,
- Now a sole-kissing prince thinks she's beautiful.
- A Sierra man off on a spree
- Was seen to be hugging a tree.
- "It's just for a lark,
- And the love of its bark,
- And its branches are something to see."