12/1/00:

To succeed in the brothels at Derna

One always begins as a learner.

Indentured at six

As a greaser of pricks,

One may rise to be fitter and turner.

1946

12/2/00:

There once was a floozie named Annie

Whose prices were cosy---but canny:

A buck for a fuck,

Fifty cents for a suck,

And a dime for a feel of her fanny.

1943

12/3/00:

A hard-working waitress named Cora

Discovered that drummers adore a

Titty that's ripe

And a cunt that is tripe---

Now she doesn't work hard any more-a!

1941

12/4/00:

There was a young fellow of Perth,

The nastiest bastard on earth,

When his wife was confined

He pulled down the blind,

And ate up the whole afterbirth.

1941

12/5/00:

There is a young girl from New York

Who is cautious from fear of the stork.

You will find she is taped

To prevent being raped,

And her asshole is plugged with a cork.

1947

12/6/00:

The wife of a red-headed Celt

Lost the key to her chastity belt.

She tried picking the lock

With an Ulsterman's cock,

And the next thing he knew, he was gelt.

1944

12/7/00:

There was a young woman of Norway

Who drove a rare trade in the whore way,

Till a sodomite Viscount

Brought cunt to a discount,

And the bawdy house belles to a poor way.

1870

12/8/00:

A vicious old whore of Albania

Hated men with a terrible mania.

With a twitch and a squirm

She would hold back your sperm,

And then roll on her face and disdain ya.

1941

12/9/00:

There was a young fellow named Chick

Who fancied himself rather slick.

He went to a ball

Dressed in nothing at all

But a big velvet bow round his prick.

1944

12/10/00:

There once was a girl from Alaska

Who would fuck whenever you'd ask her.

But soon she grew nice,

And went up in price,

And no one could touch her but Jesus H. Christ,

Or possibly John Jacob Astor.

1927

12/11/00:

There was a young lady named Bruce

Who captured her man by a ruse:

She filled up her fuselage

With a good grade of mucilage,

And he never could pry himself loose.

1941

12/12/00:

A gruff anthropoid of Piltdown

Had a strange way of going to town:

With maniacal howls

He would bugger young owls,

And polish his balls with their down.

1942

12/13/00:

A broken-down harlot named Tupps

Was heard to confess in her cups:

"The height of my folly

Was fucking a collie---

But I got a nice price for the pups."

1941

12/14/00:

Roxanne was a cat burglar's daughter,

Stealing diamonds the way he had taught her.

Having hid the hot rocks

In a pouch up her box,

She would relish the search if they caught her.

Contributed by
Theresa V.

12/15/00:

Tom, Tom, the piper's son,

Let loose a fart, and away he run.

But Tom fell in

An old shit bin

And ever since then Tom stinks like sin!

1941

12/16/00:

There was a young belle from Bombay

Who never had thought herself gay,

Till a queen from Siam

Said, "My dear, you're not jam!"

And brought that one out right away.

1942

12/17/00:

In has youth our old friend Boccaccio

Was having a girl in a patio.

When it came to the twat,

She wasn't so hot,

But, boy, was she good at fellatio!

1939

12/18/00:

In Spring Miss May marries Perce,

'Til then their pash' they disburse:

With a thin piece of rubber

There's no need to scrub 'er---

Of course, there's no harm to rehearse.

1927

12/19/00:

There was a man from Far Rockaway

Who could skizzle a broad from a block away.

Once while taking a fuck,

Along came a truck

And knocked both his balls and his cock away.

1945

12/20/00:

There was a young lady named Wilma

Who said, "Oh now, please do not kilma.

I love your advances

And what's in your pantses,

Do you think it could possibly fill-ma?"

1951

12/21/00:

There was a young lady of Worcester

Who dreamt that a rooster seduced her.

She woke with a scream,

But 'twas only a dream---

A bump in the mattress had goosed her.

1932

12/22/00:

An avid cross-dresser named Dave

Wore a black leather skirt as a slave.

But his Mistress was cruel,

And so the poor fool

Got to wear it that night in his grave.

Contributed by
Theresa V.

12/23/00:

A Dutchman who dwelt in Dundee

Walked in to a grocer's named Lee.

He said, "If you blease,

Haff you any prick cheese?"

Said the grocer, "I'll skin back and see."

1941

12/24/00:

A daughter of fair Ioway,

While at sport in the toilet one day,

Swallowed some of her pee,

"And hereafter," said she,

"I'll do it at lunch every day."

1946

12/25/00:

There was a young Miss from Cape Cod

Who at soldiers would not even nod.

But she tripped in a ditch

And some son-of-a-bitch

Of a corporal raped her, by God!

1928

12/26/00:

A sweet young attorney named Draper

Once wore a tight skirt made of paper.

While attempting to squat,

It split up to her twat,

Prompting two horny judges to rape her.

Contributed by
Theresa V.

12/27/00:

A tourist who stopped at Capri

Was had by an old maid for tea.

When she wiggled he said,

As he patted her head,

"Ah, you're changing the 't' to a 'p'!"

1941

12/28/00:

If I'd something to say I'd just do it,

But my brain's behaving like suet.

So comments,...I've none.

Lets just say that I'm done,

Though coffee might help, so I'll brew it!

Contributed by
Faunus

12/29/00:

An old Jap samurai named Haki

Once pickled his penis in saki.

When the thing was quite dead

He cried with bowed head,

"Banzai! Requiescat in pace."

1948

12/30/00:

A lecherous fellow named Gould

Soliloquized thus to his tool:

"From Cape Cod to Salamanca,

You've had pox, clap, and chancre---

Now ain't you a bloody great fool?"

1939

12/31/00:

There was a young lady of Grotton

Had to plug up her coosie with cotton,

For it was no myth

That the girl had the syph---

She stunk, and her titties were rotten.

1941