August 2000

Limericks o' the Day


There was a bus driver named Peter,
Who could not have looked any neater.
But his mustache looked funny,
When he combed it with honey,
Thus making his kisses much sweeter.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There was a bluestocking in Florence
Wrote anti-sex pamphlets in torrents,
Till a Spanish grandee,
Got her off with his knee,
And she burned all her works with abhorrence.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There was a bleached blond named Dolores
Who had an unusual clitoris.
It's location remote
Was deep in her throat
Where she douched with a touch of Lavoris!
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was an odious brute
Who made love in his Sunday-best suit.
The result, as you'd guess,
Was a wet, sticky mess,
And a very chaifed maiden to boot.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was pervert named Manny
Who stuck his long prick up his fanny.
Now he's flailing about,
Seems he can't get it out.
He can't shit, he can't piss. It's uncanny!
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a young man named Springer
Got his testicles caught in the wringer.
He hollered with pain,
As they rolled down the drain,
"There goes my career as a singer."
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a woman named Ann
Who was said to be quite like a man.
When nature did call,
She ran down the hall,
And went to the gentleman's can.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a witch from St. Rose,
Who hated the wart on her nose.
"I think you will find,
That true love is blind."
Said her date, a gnome with three toes.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a tailor named Fred,
Who always got knots in his thread.
Said the frustrated tailor,
"I should be a sailor...
The knots they tie get them ahead."
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a Senator from Mass
Who wanted a strange piece of ass.
He lucked up and found it,
But fucked up and drowned it,
And now finds his future is past.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a queen of Bulgaria
Whose bush had grown hairier and hairier,
Till a prince from Peru,
Who came up for a screw,
Had to hunt for her hole with a terrier.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a man named Ted
Who had pot growing out of his head.
The cause of those weeds
Was from smoking the seeds
Or so I have heard it been said.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a man in Bombay
Who was making explosives one day.
He droped his cigar
In the gunpowder jar...
There once WAS a man from Bombay.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a man from Sutter,
Who used to jerk off in the gutter,
Till the tropical sun,
Played hell on his gun,
And turned all of his cream into butter.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a man from St. Pauls
Who used to perform in the halls.
His favorite trick
Was to stand on his prick
And roll off the stage on his balls.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a man from St. Paul,
Who moaned about being so tall.
At night, in his bed,
Was his body and head.
His feet had to sleep in the hall.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a man from St. Paul
Whose prick was incredibly small.
He got down on the rug
And mounted a bug
But the bug didn't feel it at all!!
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a lady named Gail,
Who decided to have a yard sale.
She sold all her wares,
Including the chairs.
Now she's one upstanding female.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a lad from Beirut
Who had seven warts on this root.
He poured acid on these,
And now when he pees
He must grasp himself like a flute.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a Jew from Peru
Who was vainly attempting to screw.
His wife screamed "Oy vey,
If you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you"
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a hooker named Gail,
Who one day got locked up in jail.
Butthe sheriff got hot,
To be lodged in her twat,
So Gail made her bail with her tail!!
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a handsome young actor;
While filming, he fell off a tractor.
Though not in his script,
He went to Egypt,
To visit the Cairo-practor.
Contributed by
Jan M.


A serious thought for today,
Is one that may cause you dismay.
Just what are the forces
That bring little horses
If all of the mares say, "Nay !"
Contributed by
Larry M.


There once was a man named Crockett
He stuck his cock in a socket.
Some son-of-a-bitch
Turned on the switch
And Crockett went up like a rocket
Contributed by


There once was a hacker named Ken
Who inherited truckloads of Yen.
So he built him some chicks
Of silicon chips
And hasn't been heard from since then.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a guy named Dave
And to all the girls he did wave
While pleading for pleasure
His dick did they measure
And the finger was all that they gave.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a Greek named Theopolis,
Who lived quite near the Acropolis.
But he soon moved away,
To the U.S. of A.,
And settled in Min-ne-op-olis.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a freshman named Lin,
Whose tool was as thin as a pin.
A virgin named Joan,
From a bible belt home,
Said, "This won't be much of a sin."
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once was a fellow from Yuma,
Told an elephant joke to a puma.
Now his skeleton lies
Under hot western skies.
The Puma had no sense of huma!
Contributed by
Jan M.


A farmer from out in Algiers,
Planted some corn in his ears.
When the temperature rose,
He leapt to his toes.
Now popping is all that he hears.
Contributed by
Jan M.


There once lived a youth in Duluth,
Who aspired to a life as a sleuth.
But he soon changed his mind,
For it shocked him to find,
That the truth is so often uncouth.
Contributed by
Jan M.

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