4/1/00:

'Twas with glee and amusement I found,

On your fertile and shamrockéd ground,

A limerick tribe

Of sexual vibe

And deliciously potent sound!

Contributed by
Nathalie F.

4/2/00:

There was a young lady named Hitchin

Who was scratching her crotch in the kitchen.

Her mother said, "Rose,

It's the crabs, I suppose."

She said, "Yes, and the buggers are itching.

Contributed by
LaVonne E

4/3/00:

There once was a lady who lay

With her legs wide apart in the hay.

She said to the Plowman,

"Come on, do it now, man!

Don't wait till my hair has turned gray!"

Contributed by
LaVonne E

4/4/00:

An eccentric young boy, name of Billy

Got his kicks tying strings round his willie.

But one fateful night,

He tied them too tight,

And since then he's known only as "Millie".

Contributed by
Natalie F.

4/5/00:

A big woolly dog named Lee

Had a host of friends to see.

So he paced the street

On all four feet,

But visited mostly on three.

1946

4/6/00:

There was a young fellow named Puttenham

Whose tool caught in doors upon shuttin' 'em.

He said, "Well, perchance

It would help to wear pants,

If I just could remember to button 'em."

1949

4/7/00:

A young jacker-off of Cawnpore

Never felt a desire for more.

In bold self-reliance

He cried out his defiance

Of the joys of the fairy and whore.

1942

4/8/00:

There was a young fellow from Florida

Who liked a friend's wife, so he borrowed her.

When they got into bed

He cried, "God strike me dead!

This ain't a cunt---it's a corridor!"

1927

4/9/00:
Part 1 of 2:

A spinster in Kalamazoo

Once strolled after dark by the zoo.

She was seized by the nape,

And raped by an ape,

And she murmured, "A wonderful screw."

4/10/00:
Part 2 of 2:

And se added, "You're rough, yes, and hairy,

But I hope---yes I do---that I marry

A man with a prick

Half as stiff and as thick

As the kind that you zoo-keeperss carry."

1941

4/11/00:

There was a young woman of Geneva

Whose life was all joie de vivre.

When she grew too old to joie

She employed a young boy

To restore the joie to her vivre.

1952

4/12/00:

A delver in relics collosal

Unearthed a phenomenal fossil.

He could tell by the bend,

And the wart on the end,

'Twas the Peter of St. Paul the Apostle.

Contributed by
Anonymous

4/13/00:

A certain young fellow named Dick

Liked to feel a girl's hand on his prick.

He taught them to fool

With his rigid old tool,

Till the cream shot out, white and thick.

1941

4/14/00:

The wife of an athlete named Chuck

Found her married life shit-out-of-luck.

Her husband played hockey

Without wearing a jockey---

Now he hasn't got what it takes for a fuck.

1941

4/15/00:

There was a young gaucho named Bruno

Who said, "Screwing is one thing I do know.

A woman is fine,

And a sheep is divine,

But a llama is Numero Uno."

1942

4/16/00:

There was a young virgin named Violet

Whose hope was to remain inviolate.

But she let a man neck her

And soon his hard pecker

Had wedged itself firmly in Violet.

1941

4/17/00:

There was a young woman of Cheadle

Who once gave the clap to a beadle.

Said she. "Does it itch?"

"It does, you damned bitch,

And burns like hell-fire when I peedle."

1879

4/18/00:

A skinny old maid from Verdun

Wed a short-peckered son-of-a-gun.

She said, "I don't care

If there isn't much there.

God know it is better than none."

1927

4/19/00:

There was an old Chinaman drunk

Who went for a sail in his junk.

He was dreaming of Venus

And tickling his penis,

Till he floated away in the spunk.

1879

4/20/00:

There was a young fellow at Jesus

Who developed a phallic prosthesis.

He made use of this tool

To thoroughly fool

All girls who were known as P.T.'s's.

1944

4/21/00:

I sat next to the Duchess at tea.

She was just as a Duchess should be.

But her gases abdominal

Were quite phenomenal...

And everyone thought it was me!

Contributed by
Woodrow Wilson

4/22/00:

There once was an indian maid

Who declared she was not afraid

To lie on her back

In a tar paper shack

For the purpose of just getting laid.

Contributed by
Mike

4/23/00:

There was an old sarge of Dorchester

Who invented a mechanical whore-tester.

With an electrical eye,

His tool, and a die,

He observed each sore, pimple and fester.

1944

4/24/00:

A well-scented Dean from Tacoma

Was given a special diploma

For telling apart

A masculine fart

From a similar female aroma.

Contributed by
Trevor R.

4/25/00:

A policeman from Camberwell Junction,

Whose organ had long ceased to function,

Deceived his good wife,

For the rest of his life,

With the aid of his constable's truncheon.

Contributed by
Derek C.

4/26/00:

A young physicist named Bill Schnieder

Had a wife, but he couldn't abider.

This frustated schmuk

Ran completely amuck

And buggered the super collider.

Contributed by
Dave N.

4/27/00:

There once was a young Aztec

Who was fond of reading Steinbeck.

When asked where she read,

She said, "Always in bed,

Especially when wearing Ko-tex."

1942

4/28/00:

There were two young girls from Perth,

Who were ridden with pox from birth.

Said one to the other,

"It's thanks to our mother,

We're the rottenest fuckers on earth."

Contributedby
Brian

4/29/00:
Part 1 of 2:

There was a young lady from Troy,

Who invented an exquisite joy,

She filled up her cran,

With strawberry jam,

And had it sucked out by a boy.

4/30/00:
Part 2 of 2:

Now you can't blame the young lady from Troy,

For inventing this exquisite joy.

But for having to suck,

When he wanted to fuck,

Was fucking tough luck on the boy.

Contributed by
Brian